What'd the bitch/prick run off with?

A lamp that had belonged to my dead grandmother.

 

She got the cats, I got the dogs. That's a Broglio-for-Brock-type trade.

My apologies to Doc and SC in advance. No offense.

 

I lent a signed set of bound galleys--there was only a few hundred of them in circulation because John Irving hadn't broken out  yet--of "The World According to Garp" to a woman who lived in my apartment building when I was in my 20's. She never gave it back.

I could have taken a very long holiday on the proceeds of the sale of that damn book.

Not exactly a "significant other" but I figured, hey, I might get lucky by lending her the damn thing.

 

No apologies necessary, pallister. I much prefer dogs. We'll be getting one soon, I imagine.

 

Go to the vet and pick up one that's adevrtised. Those are the dogs with character, and they also usually come cheap.

As a breed, black labs are the best.

 

I left my phone charger at his apartment one time (it was an LDR) and I never got it back. Then again, I bought him a shitload of books for his birthday, gave him most when we saw each other just before his birthday. We broke up a few weeks later, and I had two books left that sat in my apartment for nearly a year.

I gave them to him when I saw him again, but I had changed phones and didn't need my charger any more.

 

My Van Halen t-shirt [/adamsandler]

The girl I dated my senior year in high school sent word she wanted a bunch of stuff back. She'd given me all kinds of pictures and other stuff. I made what I thought was a good faith effort. Put all the stuff in a shoe box. Drove over to her house. Knocked on the door. Nobody answered. Not wanting to face this scenario again, I simply left the box sitting on the back of her car. It rained. So .... she and I sort of worked for the same employer. Me at a furniture store; her, sitting with the owner's kids. So the next time she kept them happened to be the a slow day, and the owner sent me to their house to clean the gutters. There she is with the kids at owner's pool, and the whole time I'm there, she's just ripping me a new one, telling the kids how crappy a person I am. Good times ...

 

In college, one broad made off with my pipe.

It was a really cool handmade ceramic with dolphins on it, and I loved that thing (or maybe I just loved smoking "dope", but I digress) and the bitch done took it, and never gave it back.

Sad part was, she wasn't a big smoker, she just knew I liked it, and so when it ended, she took the fucker. And all my CD's.

 

How has it taken this long??


So you wanted
to take a break
Slow it down some and
have some space

Well fuck you too

Give me my money back
Give me my money back
you bitch
I want my money back
(And don't forget to give
me back my black T-shirt)

Wish I hadn't
bought you dinner
Right before you
dumped me on your front porch

Give me my money back
Give me my money back
You bitch
I want my money back
and don't forget

And don't forget

 

I had a dream you came back to my house
You changed your mind
I had a dream you came back to my house
To spend some time

You said you'd only stay a week
You brought two cats for me to keep
And told me not to feed them tuna or they'd throw up

I fed them tuna and they threw up
For hours and hours and hours and hours
I was amazed at all the stuff
That came from those little bodies of theirs

It was puffy like a sponge
The color of the sidewalk
And it smelled like the dirty rags beneath the sink

I had a dream you came back to my house
And robbed me blind
You took my stereo, CD's, and tapes and books
You left nothing behind

I woke up and you were next to me
But I knew it was just a dream
I woke up again, you were a thousand miles away

 

Funny ... I don't think I've ever dated a guy who reads.

 

You know, it's weird, every one of my relationships either ended amicably or ground to a halt so slowly so that there was no drama that would have led to the loss of something.

I believe my post-first-marriage girlfriend ended up with the wedding ring from that marriage in her stuff somewhere, but it was a cheap silver band and hardly sentimental.

I guess I've been lucky -- if you don't count actually going through all those relationships.

(I had a weird one once: One of my California girlfriends and I were sitting in a bar/restaurant at the end of a long day of driving up and down the coast and drinking wine. I went to the men's room, and when I returned, a guy was sitting in my seat. I said, "Excuse me," and the girlfriend said, "Oh, you can sit in the next stool." So I said, "Fine, you can pay the tab," and stormed out. She followed me out, we had a big argument and I basically said we were done, and she got hysterical and eventually reached into my back pocket, took my wallet and ran down the street with it. So I called the cops, and before they came, she returned the wallet. When she walked into our regular bar the next day, the story having gotten out -- gee, wonder how that happened? -- everybody booed.

(But it's a digression from the intent of this thread, since yeah, it was a pretty important item -- my wallet -- but I got it back.)

Did I say I'd been lucky at this? Hmmm.