What's on your desk?

A well-worn book on grills.

 

The puzzle box from 'Hellraiser.'

 

Let's see here ...

- my bottled water from today
- my half-empty bottled water from yesterday
- a copy of "Fever Pitch" (book, not movie) that I'm currently reading
- a plastic fork for the dinner I made myself later tonight
- a phone list to our newsroom
- a phone list to the plant
- a manila folder of all local pro team's schedules
- a 2006 AL Red Book
- a 2006 NL Green Book
- a well-worn "Elements of Style"
- an even more well-worn AP style guide, circa 1994, that I brought with me
- a brand-new AP style guide, circa 2004, that my work bought me
- a Webster's New World College Dictionary, Fourth Edition
- a miniature Buddha from the Pusaka store in W. Hollywood
- 30 MLB media guides (all updated ... finally; thanks, phucking Phillies -- and no, we didn't pay $14.95 like you asked us to. assmunch.)
- Starting Lineup figures of Wayne Gretzky, Brett Favre, Brooks Robinson, Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth (as a Red Sock)
- a Bruce Sutter 1987 Topps card
- a bottle of Martinelli's sparkling cider from New Year's that we're still waiting on to ferment (inside joke)
- lots and lots of paper clips
- a Baseball Encyclopedia
- AP photo printouts of Goddess No. 1, Goddess No. 2 and Goddess Nos. 3 (a.k.a. Martina Hingis, Natalie Gulbis and Jennie Finch) on the file cabinet (a.k.a. Wall of Fame)
- a souvenir puck from Game 2 of the Ducks-Avs playoff series this year

... Yeah, I'm bored. Anyway, that's mine.

 

Jimmy Hoffa

 

No way, I found Jimmy Hoffa on my desk too.

 

Are you sure it wasn't Amelia Earhart?
They look alike.

 

Your girlfriend's ass

 

Sirs, Madames,

A statue of Pig Pen standing beside The Dirty Snowman.
A trilobite, long dead.
A 338-page manuscript.
A datebook I can't stand to lose.
Page proofs on a magazine story that arrived after the issue went to press Sunday.
CDs = Minutemen, rare Jerry Lee Lewis Stuff, Brian Eno's Apollo (not Live at the Apollo either).
A provincial championship track medal (scuff beyond all recognition), a city championship plaque (falling apart).
MP3 with a book load of interviews on it (okay, about half a book load).
A year-old Mojo magazine with Joy Division on the cover.
Buster Olney's Yanquis book, read thru to the last ten pages.
A couple of newspaper pages that have story ideas written in minute scribble in white space around ads.
Aspirin.
Empty coffee cup.
Microcassettes. Where's the recorder?
Portable DVD player. On top of two stacked DVD boxes, Season Two of the Rockford Files, Season Five of Columbo.
Separate DVD sleeve, black market copy of broadcast of the Canada-USSR game at the world junior hockey championships in 1987.
Application for the Three-Day Novel-Writing Contest.
Theo Fleury rookie card.


YHS, etc

 

Maybe we both have Jimmy Hoffa. They did cut his body up after all.

 

A replica of Devil's Tower made of mashed potatoes

 

The under-utilized part of my desk is underneath it. I swear I could sub-lease that space out and charge rent it's so roomy.

If I ever wanted to bring Mrs. Bubbler in for a tryst, no one would be the wiser, until the typical screams of pleasure that reverberate over a square-mile area gave us away. :-X 8)

 

Followed by her telling you to be quiet