What's your favorite Seinfeld line?

"Are you so completely senile that you don't even know what you're talking about?"

 

I can't believe I'm the first one to say...

NO SOUP FOR YOU!

I think that's the most-quoted line in my world. And a pretty damn funny episode.

 

"I don't want to be a _____!" Sort of a running joke, with pirate being the most famous fill-in.

Sometimes, though, it's just the delivery of the line. Like in the first season, maybe the pilot, Jerry says, "Books, books, I need my books." And it slays me every time.

 

SHMOOPIE!

IT'S MOOP!

#1: What's a bubble boy?
#2: He lives in a bubble.
#3: Boy.

From the same episode: "He laughed so hard we almost had to give him an extra shot of hemoglobin."

 

Kramer: Well after he heckled Toby, she got so upset that she ran out of the building and a street sweeper ran over her foot and severed her pinky toe.
George: That's unbelievable!
Kramer: Yeah and after the ambulance left, I found the toe. So I put it in a Cracker Jack box, filled it with ice, and took off for the hospital.
George: You ran?
Kramer: No, I jumped on the bus. I told the driver, "I got a toe here, buddy, step on it!"


Kramer: Yeah, yeah. Then, all of a sudden, this guy pulls out a gun. Well, I knew any delay is gonna cost her her pinky toe, so I got out of the seat, and I started walking towards him. He says, "Where do you think you're going, Cracker Jack?" I say, "Well, I got a little prize for ya, buddy." (Makes punching moves.) Plow! Plat! Ke-yah! Knocked him out cold.
George: How could you do that!?
Kramer: Then everybody is screaming, because the driver, he's passed out because of all the commotion. The bus is OUT of control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel. Now I'm driving the bus.
George: You're Batman.
Kramer: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to, and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other. Then, I managed to open up the door, and I kicked him out the door, you know, with my foot, you know, at the next stop.
Jerry: You kept making all the stops!?
Kramer: Well people kept ringing the bell!

George: You did all this for a pinky toe?
Kramer: Well, it's a valuable appendage.

 

Yeah, well the Jerk Store called! They're runnin' outta you!

 

Mulllllva?

 

Excellent find, Old_Tony. What is the name of this episode?

 

I believe it's "The Fire." It's the one where George knocks all the kids and old ladies out of the way to get out of the apartment when there's a fire during the birthday party.

Another classic part of that episode:
The Fire

GEORGE: Ah, great, great. <sniffs> What's that smell? Smoke? <walks to the kitchen> Hey everybody, I think I smell some smoke back here...<smoke boils into the doorway.> FIRE! FIRE! Get out of the way!

<The kids all scream and the party goes crazy. George barrels out of the kitchen, pushing down kids, clowns and old ladies in a mad panic to escape. He runs out the door and leaves everyone behind.>

Cut to George sitting in the back of an ambulance with an oxygen mask on his face.

GEORGE (to the EMTs): It was an inferno in there! An inferno! <Eric, Robin's mother, and all the kids rush at George.>

ERIC: There he is! That's him! <Tries to clobber George with his big shoe.>

ROBIN'S MOTHER: That's the coward that left us to die!


Cut back to George attempting to explain his cowardly actions to Robin, her mother, Eric and a fireman from the back of the ambulance at the party.

GEORGE (voice is hoarse from screaming): I...was trying to lead the way. We needed a leader! Someone to lead the way to safety.

ROBIN: But you yelled "get out of my way"!

GEORGE: Because! Because, as the leader...if I die...then all hope is lost! Who would lead? The clown? Instead of castigating me, you should all be thanking me. What kind of a topsy-turvy world do we live in, where heroes are cast as villains? Brave men as cowards?

ROBIN: But I saw you push the women and children out of the way in a mad panic! I saw you knock them down! And when you ran out, you left everyone behind!

GEORGE: Seemingly. Seemingly, to the untrained eye, I can fully understand how you got that impression. What looked like pushing...what looked like knocking down...was a safety precaution! In a fire, you stay close to the ground, am I right? And when I ran out that door, I was not leaving anyone behind! Oh, quite the contrary! I risked my life making sure that exit was clear. Any other questions?

FIREMAN: How do you live with yourself?

GEORGE: Its not easy.

 

I watched a couple more episodes today and found this: From The Butter Shave ...

Kramer: Did you see Bania's set last night? 'Cause I read on the Internet he killed.
Jerry: He killed. He only does well when he has me for a lead-in. He's a time slot hit.
Kramer: Well, you gotta give him some credit. (starts rubbing a stick of Jerry's butter across his face) You're just being totally ridiculous. (keeps rubbing) I'll see you later buddy.
Jerry: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.
Kramer: What?
Jerry: Do I have to ask?
Kramer: I ran out of butter so I had to borrow yours. Anything else, Mr. Nosy?
(Kramer starts to walk out, Jerry grabs him by the shirttail and drags him back.)
Jerry: Why are you buttering your face?
Kramer: I'm shaving with it.
Jerry: Oh Moses smell the roses.

And along the same lines, from The Little Jerry ...

KRAMER (approvingly): Sounds like a nice girl. Hey Jerry, is it all right if I put some stuff in your fridge? 'Cause mine's full.
JERRY: Yeah, sure. You don't even have a fridge, do you?
KRAMER: Well, not here. <Goes into the hallway, comes back in with a huge bag of chicken feed.>
JERRY: Kramer, wait a minute, what the hell is that?
KRAMER: Well, it's chicken feed. <Slams the bag into Jerry's fridge.>
JERRY: I sense something is afoot.
KRAMER (closes fridge): Yeah, I bought a chicken.
<Jerry is about to reply, but George interrupts.>
GEORGE: Allow me. Why?
KRAMER: Cage-free, farm-fresh eggs.
<George is about to reply, but Jerry interrupts.>
JERRY: Allow me. What are you, an idiot?

 

What's the difference. You're their all time best seller.

 

Ohhhhh, DELORES!