What's your favorite Seinfeld line?

"So what happened?"
"She's into it."
"Into what?"
"The menage. And not only that. She just called me and said she talked to the roommate and the roommate's into the menage too."
"That's unbelievable."
"Oh, it's a scene man."
"Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank god that you know me and have access to my dementia?"
"What are you talking about? I'm not goin' to do it."
"You're not goin to do it? What do you mean, You're not goin to do it?"
"I can't. I'm not an orgy guy."
"Are you crazy? This is like discovering Plutonium ... by accident."
"Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a moustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends. ... Naw, I'm not ready for it.
"If only something like that could happen to me."
"Oh, shut up you couldn't do it either."
"I know."

 

Jerry: The answering machine is like a relationship barometer.
George Costanza: What IS a barometer?
Kramer: It's pronounced thermometer.

 

Muffin stumps.

 

The way Kramer says that makes the line. He is so confident that he's right -- a change he said was made after the first couple seasons.

 

Voiceovers!

Elaine: Who does this guy think he is?
Keith: I'm Keith Hernandez.

 

George: Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp.
People should plunk down two-thousand dollars to live like him for a week. Do
nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have
sex without dating; that's a fantasy camp.

 

Haven't read through this bad boy to get Cosmo's chime-in, but mine is, with perfect delivery:

Kramer (to Jerry): You got a dog?

 

Mr. Lippman: It's come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?
George Costanza: Who said that?
Mr. Lippman: She did.
George Costanza: [pause] Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon... you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time.
Mr. Lippman: You're fired!
George Costanza: Well, you didn't have to say it like that.

 

Cosmo Kramer: [phone rings, Kramer picks up the phone] Hello... What Delay Industries?
George Costanza: [yelling from the bathroom] Vandelay! Say Vandelay!
Cosmo Kramer: No, you're way, way, way off. Well yeah, that's the right number, but this is an apartment.
George Costanza: [rushes out of the toilet with his pants on his knees] Vandelay! Say Vandelay Industries!
[falls down]
Cosmo Kramer: Yeah, no problem.
[hangs up phone]
Cosmo Kramer: How did you know who that was?
Jerry: [enters apartment, sees George lying on the floor with his pants on his ankles] And you wanna be my latex salesman?

 

That was improvisation at its best.

From The Parking Garage, my favorite segment in the episode ...

Jerry: Oh I'm lying. Why would I do it unless I was in mortal danger? I know it's against the law.
Security: I don't know.
Jerry: Because I could get Uromysitisis poisoning and die. That's why!...Do you think I enjoy living like this?...the shame, the humiliation...You know I have been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the place. You want to call the Department of Social Services? Oh, it's Saturday. They're closed today. My luck.

 

(After the show had been on about five years, Kramer's about to go into the hospital as Dr. Van Nostrin and get Elaine's medical records. Suddenly he turns around.)

Kramer: Bennett, right?
Elaine: It's BENES, you jackass.

 

Don't forget the look of doubt he gives her.