When's the Last Time You Were in an Actual Fight?

When my wife beat the shit out of me with a laptop on an American Airlines flight. <crossthread>

 

Bouncer told me years ago that he was more scared of a guy with a knife than one with a gun.

 

I went to Montreal to see the Red Sox with two work friends. We start drinking after we hit up the stores in New Hampshire. Somehow we get past the border and while driving to Montreal we find this strip club in the middle of corn fields that we have to stop at.

Get to the hotel in Montreal and immediately head out. As we are going to one of the smaller clubs, we pass a homeless guy who looks like a hippie, young with a beard, hanging out. He asks for some money and I say no. At that moment there are three 20-year old Americans walking the other way. One of them gets in my face telling me I should give the guy some money. I push him away and his friends pull him back. He comes back and I pull his shirt over his head and punch him in the nose. His friends pull him back again, but he comes at me again. I push him over and have him on the ground. One of my friends is also on the ground yelling at him 'Stop doing this. Stop doing this." My other friend is ready to deliver a kick to the guy's head. After his friends get him away, I walk past the homeless guy and give him $10.

We join the line to enter the strip club like nothing had happened. We go in, get a good seat, but I have to go to the bathroom. While I am washing my hands I realize I have drops of blood on my arms and the sleeve of my shirt. I try to wash it off, but in the fluorescent light of the club every drops sticks out. The seats we have look directly towards the entrance. Before we even got our beers, I notice police coming through the door. I try to convince myself the cops aren't coming for me, but they are. One of them puts his hand on my shoulder and I am busted because of all the blood.

We go outside and the cops talk to all three of us. The kid I punched is being loaded into an ambulance with blood all over his face and screaming at me. We talk to the cops and they begin a good cop/bad cop routine. The bad cop is complaining about Americans who come up there to get drunk and fight. While this is going on my friend is screaming "Ask him. Ask him" while pointing to the homeless guy. The good cop goes over to the homeless guy and talks to him in French. The cop comes back and says that the homeless guy backs us up and the other kid started it. The bad cop tells us his district is north of the street we are on. If he doesn't see us for the rest of the night, we are good to go. We went south and found our way home.

It is rare that I got in fights and even rarer I won them. A few months before this I should have had my head crushed against a sidewalk.

 

That sounds like it might have been the best $10 you ever spent.

 

Damn. I was about to type the same exact thing.