Who wants to take a whack?

It's soccer's fault this thread will not end well.

 

It's soccer's fault, Charlie Brown.

 

Soccer, not high heels, is why my knee hurts today.

Soccer, not a breakup-related binge, is why I've gained 5 pounds in the last couple months.

Soccer, not the neighbor's big scary dog, is why my cat is afraid to go outside now.

Soccer . . . it's to blame for all your problems

 

It's soccer's fault Enron stock went under.

It's soccer's fault The Hoff got arrested.

It's soccer's fault spnited is so old.

It's soccer's fault Ragu is a depraved necrophiliac.

It's soccer's fault bubbler had to GO GET A FUCKING HAIRCUT!

 

It's soccer's fault that Pickle_Juice didn't get hired for the Dolphins beat.

It's soccer's fault that Big Ben wasn't wearing a helmet.

It's soccer's fault that Murphy stars in all those damned movies.

 

It's soccer's fault The Junction Boys isn't on more often.

It's soccer's fault I'm not good enough to work at the Plain Dealer.

It's soccer's fault Francisco Liriano didn't make the All-Star team.

 

It's soccer's fault that there are so many trolls.

It's soccer's fault that Montana State is the new Baylor (sorry, Alley).

It's soccer's fault that I've been on here for over 100 days.

 

It's soccer's fault that BYH only lasts eight seconds.

It's soccer's fault that the board crashes.

It's soccer's fault that IJAG hasn't married Brook Jacoby and/or Jake Gyllenenenenenenenenhaal.

 

80s MTV version, anyone?

Soccer caused Billy Squier to quit prancing.

Soccer shocked the monkey in Peter Gabriel's Shock The Monkey video.

Soccer cost Rick Allen his arm.

Soccer broke up Men At Work.

Soccer is the main influence in Tiffany-style mall rock.

Soccer made Alan Hunter gay.

Soccer played keyboard in Journey's Seperate Ways video.

Soccer wrote We Built This City and poofed up Grace Slick's hair.

Soccer inspired the PMRC hearings.

Studies show that Soccer's RADD PSA actually caused cocaine usage to rise.

Soccer jumped around like a dumb ass in Katrina & The Waves' Walking On Sunshine video.

Soccer made Randee of the Redwoods, Pauly Shore and PostModern MTV allegedly palatable to TV audiences.

Soccer was the reason metal declined in the late 80s.

Soccer sang very badly on We Are The World, worse than Dan Ackroyd. Soccer also had a hand in letting talentless hack Paul Young sing prominenly on Do They Know It's Christmas?

Soccer did NOT have anything to do with the intro to David Lee Roth's Yankee Rose video, soccer was never going to be a part of it, not if it was last immigrant grocer on Earth, honey.

 

Keeping with the '80s theme...

Soccer wrote, directed and starred in the video for "The Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats.

 

It's soccer's fault Veronica and JD killed Heather Chandler.

It's soccer's fault Kurt and Ram were gay.

It's soccer's fault Martha Dumptruck was fat.

Soccer was to blame for Teenage Suicide (Don't Do It).

 

Soccer inspires Heathers-jacks.

Soccer makes Chuck Norris' corn lay the fuck down.

Soccer hits it Boots-style.

Soccer smears red lipstick.

Soccer should of never been born.