Why are you weird?

This sounds way too familiar.

I swear to God, if you're REALLY my last ex-girlfriend (which I highly doubt, but you never know), I'm leaving SJ.

 

Some network needs to follow you around with a camera crew for the next (first?) great reality show. And I say that with love.

 

What, to see Mikey finally get laid? It'll take like 10,000,000,000,000,000 seasons and we'll all be dead when he finally taps some senile 96-year-old's ass in Shady Pines.

 

I don't date sports journalists, so I'd bet I'm not your ex. Now if you're a World of Warcraft-obsessed computer programmer, it's possible.

 

Embassy Row, your avatar rules.

The world needs more Joel Gertner.

 

It's all about the chase!

 

As long as you're not a Law and Order: SVU fanfic writer who reeks of cat piss, we're cool.

Norman - there's a reason Gertner is the Quintessential Stud Muffin.

 

It's funny that you mention that. A couple years ago, while we were all in college and off for some breaks -- except for my friend Fat Mike; he's a community-college dropout, who enjoys making more money managing at Walmart with his 10 credits while I struggle to save money with my 132 -- the six of us seriously considered having someone follow us around while we went through our everyday life. They'd tape us at the bar, at the Chinese restaurant, playing Family Feud and Wheel of Fortune on Super Nintendo. We'd be on film, discussing the pointless minutia of our lives -- usually discussing the significance of network television and Kevin Smith films on society in between quoting our favorite movies and shows over and over again. Then, of course, all our stupid, crazy adventures and stunts would be recorded, too.

It was going to be Seinfeld meets Jackass, and we'd mass produce these and sell them at punk shows -- mainly the Vans Warped Tour -- just like skaters pedal their skills videos at skate parks (No cops, dude). This was supposed to turn us from six useless punks into six useless punks on television. But alas, we decided to move away instead. And now the world is suffering because of it. ...

I'm sure.

 

It is I, the Quintessential Stud Muffin, Joel 'I'm young, I'm hung, and I'm skilled with my tongue' Gertner.

 

And the geriatric sex!

 

Dude, you got a problem with nursing home porn?

 

Well, I have been in Five Guys more than once when somebody ordered a burger with everything ... except a burger.