Why are you weird?

That's probably the healthiest thing you can order there.

 

Mike, go do something. Get off the computer for a while.

 

Why am I weird is a question I'm reluctant to tackle.

There is this: I look like my dad, who died at age 59 of his second heart attack. But my body chemistry much more closely mirrors that of my mom, who's celebrating her 90th birthday today.

Thanks, mom!

 

I just took a nap for an hour. What more do you want?

 

OK, never mind. That's good enough.

Maybe you could go call someone on your dad's big-ass cellular phone.

 

Same here with the candy. I loved Sprees when I was a kid and I had to dump the whole thing out in a bag and eat them in order, from the color I like least (green) to my favorite (red).

Plus, I didn't like the funky-colored tongue I ended up with. The red left me looking closer to normal.

Now I need to go buy some Sprees.

The way I eat regular food is even more meticulous. I do it without even thinking about it.

Oh, and I used to put cottage cheese on pizza. Can't remember why I stopped. Is that weird?

 

I finished inside a woman once.

 

I would. But he's making business calls. He just mentioned something about some dude being so close to the court that Magic Johnson would have to dribble around him in order to score a basket. I think Derrick's lost it.

 

Finished what?

 

Amazingly enough, people even allow evidence of such behavior to exist!

 

That's a great pull, Mr. BYH.