Why I drink ... phone calls.

Well of course! It didn't happen unless it was in a paper of record. Every octogenarian knows this! That's why we are still in business!

 

Ah, cell phone pictures. They replaced the 1MB digital cameras that replaced Polaroid pics. All have three things in common: 1. They're taken 20 feet farther out than they need to be taken. 2. It's dark outside — never at high noon. 3. It's taken in front of a license plate, and the reflective paint sucks up every bit of flash that could've been used to make it a marginally-passing picture.

 

My first shop, I was on the job all of two weeks, when I guy and his son come to the front counter excitedly asking for the SE...so I meet them only to be taken out to the parking lot. No, not for a baseball bat beating in the back alley, but to shoot a photo of them posing with the dead moose in their truck bed.

Granted, I'm fresh on the job, but try to explain we don't run those kind of shots in the paper and offer to put in a brief about their hunting trip. They go straight to the publisher, and I'm demanded to go take the photo and run it.

Needless to say I didn't hang at that shop more than a few months. In my mind photos of checks & handshakes, teams & trophies and guns & dead animals should be reserved for the family scrapbook and don't need a place in the paper.

 

We run the dead animal pictures at our shop, mostly kids with their first deer. It was a regular feature started almost 30 years ago by our longtime (and now deceased) outdoors writer that has just continued. Honestly, if we stopped running them our phone system and e-mail would implode. We probably get 50 or 60 of these things every winter and run a few each week.
I know they're not everyone's cup of tea, but if people are bringing them in then they're looking for them in the paper and that's at least a few more copies we sell -- all for the total hassle of scanning a photo or dragging it out of the e-mail and into a folder and then dummying it onto a page.
I have no problem with them, but I can sympathize with Spike. Way too many are taken with no-flash cellphone cameras in the middle of darkened woods, or of animals with a grotesque gut wound, or with kids that have blood smeared all over their faces.

 

Ah, the stories.

One of our prep guys got a voicemail today from a grandmother complaining that her grandson this year isn't getting as much coverage as her other son did last year.

Never mind that last year's grandson, a pitcher, had to choose between taking a D1 scholarship or signing a pro contract over the summer, and her current grandson, while a really nice kid, is no better than the No. 3 pitcher this spring and has 2 victories over a winless team and one over either a 1-win or 2-win team. And the two pitchers ahead of him include a guy who will be drafted in the top 5 rounds and and a junior who will, at worst, be a D1 pitcher.

 

You should go back and count the words in which the older brother was described last year and have that matched with the younger brother...this late in the season that may mean pulling out a special feature on the kid. Oh yes, and remember the photos should be the same, too. Not just in number, but count the square-inch coverage of each photo and make sure the younger gets the same. Again, that may mean using 4 or 5 shots of the kid if your upcoming feature.

Or better yet, to make up for your season-long failure, you should just devote one entire issue to the younger brother.

kidding of course

 

At the one-man shop I worked at long ago, we used to also run the dead deer pics. They actually came in handy, as I was required to have a picture in every section, and we didn't have AP photos. So, if I was real busy, or feeling lazy, I'd use one of Johnny and his dead deer with it's tongue sticking out for the main photo.

And I also did once have a guy come into the office wanting me to take a pic of his dead deer in the back of his pickup truck. Not one of my more fun assignments.

 

Oh, hell, here's why I'm drinking as I type. But first a little background. Girl from Bigtown who played summer softball with members of Podunk High team has falling out with coach, plus needs language class to fulfill scholarship requirements with SEC school she signed early with, so, is enrolled at Podunk. State governing board rejects eligibility petition. Appeal also rejected. Kids parents then get TRO, allowing her to play (and making it a matter of public record ... fair game!). Appeals court upholds state board decision, so school forfeits all games she played, but school still eligible for playoffs.

Thursday: I cover a playoff game. Fall behind 6-0 early, go ahead in sixth, blow it, but win on walkoff hit in eighth. Big play, 4 col. pic (on 5 col. grid) and yadda yadda yadda.

Friday night: "Sports, HanSen."
"You guys shouldn't be running a big photo of (Podunk) on your front page. They're a bunch of cheaters. It's really poor on your part"

"So am I supposed to ignore all the other girls on the team."

"You're supposed to ignore the whole team, they're cheaters."

"Thanls for calling" Click.

Five minutes later, phone rings again. I notice it's the same exchange as the last call, so I let it go to voicemail. Figure if it's someone wanting to give me a score, they'll leave voicemail. They didn't.

Like I've said here before, I'm not morality police, I'm just a sports guy. Of course, I acknowledge the record with and without the forfeits. Think the section did this too by letting the kids go to playoffs. But not cover the games? I'm not gonna penalize the kids when the adults screwed up the situation. And what kind of life does someone have where he wants to give 15, 16. 17 year old kids the scarlet letter?

 

All this spring, I've dealt with bitching from parents and fans (same thing) at several of the rival schools about why we give so much coverage to Big High School's baseball program.

No matter that it is the largest school in our circulation area and the baseball program was ranked No. 1 in the country by USA Today at one point in 2008, for instanvce, and yadda yadda yadda.

Lo and behold, it's the final day of baseball season (weather permitting) and Big H.S. is the last team from our area alive in the state tournament. They can win the state's largest classification with a victory this afternoon.

It's almost like we knew what we were doing.

 

Henry: You gotta love it when a plan comes together.

 

I covered a couple local baseball teammates signing with colleges the other day. One signed with a D1 and the other with a JUCO, and as is our policy, the D1 kid gets a small front-page photo and a 12-inch story while the JUCO kid gets an inside standalone photo.

The next day I get a series of ranting emails from the JUCO kid's aunt saying we've ruing his moment in the sun, that he's devastated I chose to ignore his special moment just because it wasn't with a D1 school, and "SHAME ON YOU!!!" in 60-point, bold, underlined text. (Stop me if you've heard this one before, right?)

An hour or two later the kid's mom calls in, apologizes for her "renegade sister" and says, "Don't worry. My son doesn't read the paper so he will never even know."

 

At least she saved room for a 72-point line for when you REALLY piss her off.