Why So Bitter, Herb? 2014 Edition (page 14)

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

I'm 39 and still have to do the four questions. Technically, the youngest person at our seder last year was my 4 month old little cousin, but her Hebrew isn't quite up to snuff yet. Maybe this year.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

When Boom joins the 21 clan for the holidays there's the traditional 4 questions and the not so traditional 27 questions for Boom.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

someone forgot to tell this grocery store that pork and Passover don't mix

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

do tell, what's the toughest question you've been hit with, boom? ???

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

Sister: Nice watch, how much did that fucking thing cost? (1)
Lou: How about that Nettles at third? (2)
Niece: Do you poop in the potty? (3)
Mom: Boom dear, what a lovely sweater, is that cashmere? (4) I just love cashmere, I still have all my cashmere from college, you know if you take good care of cashmere it can last forever, I tell 21 all the time, she sends her cashmere to the cleaners WAY too often, I can't imagine her dry cleaning bills, I hope you don't have to pay for all that dry cleaning, do you, dear, pay for all her dry cleaning? (5) Have you tried the olive & egg rollups? (6) They're just so pretty for the springtime, I take some white bread, egg salad, green olives, roll them up, and slice...do you have any favorite foods, dear? (7)
Niece: Do you have a penis? (8 )
Mom: Sweetheart, all men have a penis, isn't that right Boom dear? (9)
Niece: Daddy says Mommy's penis bigger than his.
Mom: (Brief coughing fit) Now Boom, I wanted to hear about your Easter, did you have a nice ham? (10) Is that one of your foods, dear? (11) You know 21 was raised kosher, I can't imagine she would know what to do with a ham, I hope that isn't a problem, is it a problem? (12) I just think Easter looks like such a lovely holiday, so nice that your Jesus came back to life, what a special thing that must be for you, and all that chocolate, do you like chocolate, dear? (13) 21 used to love chocolate when she was younger, I told her, 21, if you eat all that chocolate you'll break out and get heavy arms like Grandma, but she ate it anyway and it all worked out, doesn't she have lovely skin now, after all that chocolate? (14) And those arms, do you two work out together? (15) You know I'm a runner, I haven't run in a couple of years....
Sister: Who the fuck are you kidding, you haven't run since Carter was president.
Mom: Well, it seems like yesterday, I campaigned for Carter, did you vote for Carter, Boom? (16)
Lou: Can we eat?
Mom: Lou, for heaven's sake, can you just have some olive rollups and...I SAID HAVE SOME OLIVE ROLLUPS AND oh for heaven's sake, never mind...21, can you get Lou some raisins or oyster crackers until dinner, thank you, dear....Now Boom, I hope this isn't too personal, but I have to ask, can I ask about your hands? (17) I don't think I've ever seen such big hands, have you, Lou? Ever seen such big...I SAID HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SUCH BIG HANDS? NOT MINE, I MEANT BOOM'S HANDS, AREN'T THEY...oh for heaven's sake, never mind. Do all your people have such large hands, dear? (18)
Sister: Hey, is it true what they say about Irish guys? (19)
Lou: You like Bonanza? (20)
Mom: Lou, no one cares about Bonanza, eat your raisins. Boom, do you watch much television? (21) I know you and 21 love your sports, we never really cared much for sports here, my first husband had a shaky ankle, did 21 ever tell you about her father's shaky ankle? (22) I didn't know when I married him, then one day he took me ice skating and whoops, he folded like a Woolworth's card table! Do you know Woolworth's, dear? (23) An old department store, I worked there when I was in high school, in the cosmetics department, I skipped so many grades I finished high school at 15, did you skip any grades, dear? (24) Do you ice skate? (25) You know, 21 was in an ice show when she was a child, I think she was a witch skating to Night on Bald Mountain, her sequins popped off all over the ice and she cried all night, did she ever tell you that story, dear? (26) Do the two of you discuss birth control? (27)

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

I love you.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

Post of the year nominations are now closed.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

Fortunately, in my family, you don't have to answer the questions, they all just move on to the next set of questions.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

That's something Southerners and Jews have in common.

The two great aunts in our family used to sit next to each other, look at me, and talk non-stop for what seemed like forever. They'd both be talking at me, completely oblivious to the other, and they'd just keep going and going.

They never stopped to get a response or listen to each other. It was just hammer down the whole time.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

21, my dear, you are in mid-pesach form. ;D ;D ;D

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)



It's like Thanksgiving in April -- only much more better!

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

with the first seder night straight ahead on saturday, seemed like a good time to bump. my dad took me to my doc's appointment today and brought the haggadahs with him. 13 of 'em. friends are lending us the rest. we're expecting about 20 here saturday.

my mom called me today: "i'm making the brisket on friday. remember, shockey, you just have to buy the fruit and some salsa. your sister and cousin laura and karyn and your friend lisa are bringing the rest of the food. i've got the chips but i know the boys love salsa and i never know which one they like best. are you okay picking that up, dear?

"oh, and remember to have little shockey buy plenty of soda. i've already got the seltzer because i know that's what your sister and her husband like. (ASIDE: NO THEY DON'T). i just want to make sure mrs. shockey doesn't have to lift a finger. the house always looks so beautiful. i don't know how she does it.

"are the boys good? tell them why grandpa didn't bring them challah or matzoh ball soup today -- the bakery is already in passover mode so they didn't have challah. and i'm bringing matzoh ball soup on saturday, so they should just wait. i feel terrible, though, 'cause i know they expect it when your father comes to take you to the doctor's.

"that should about do it, but i'll call you before saturday to make sure everything's covered."

me: "you really don't need to, mom. you know, if we're missing anything, we do have stores here."

her: "oh, i know, dear, but i don't want to have to go shopping once we're at your house."

me: "but little shockey's got a car now. we can just send him to the store."

her: "oh, i know. but i'll give you a call anyway."

can't wait.

your turn to make me smile, 21. the stick has been passed.