Why So Bitter, Herb? 2014 Edition (page 14)

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

Salsa?

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

anything for the children.

when your jewish son marries a puerto rican, anything goes.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

I need a ruling.

Mrs. Lono has suggested a change in our seder: When I put the matzoh on my shoulder, she thinks I should be forced to do an elaborate dance step, chosen arbitrarily by one of the children who will be here for seder.

She is hoping for a merengue.

How says the board?

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

A hundred seders, I have never seen matza on the shoulder.

Is this related to the four cups of vodka?? What is this about?

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

new to me, too. but i am faaaaaar from an authority on jewish-tradition matters. just on jewish mothers.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

Right before you ask, "Why is this night different from all other night?"

From our family Haggadah:

The head of the household breaks the middle matzah in two. He puts the smaller part back between the two whole matzos, and wraps up the larger portion for later use as the Afikoman. Some briefly place the Afikoman portion on their shoulders, in accordance with the Biblical verse recounting that Israel left Egypt carrying their matzos on their shoulders and say, 'In haste we went out of Egypt.'

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

Oh, okay, we usually give it to Uncle Ed to put it down his pants. Let those kids earn that afikomen prize. 8)

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

I've never heard of that tradition of putting the matzah on the shoulder. PM me (or post) the name and publisher of that haggadah.
However I think your wife is wrong.
Instead of doing the dance when you put it on your shoulder they should make you dance after dinner as their prize for finding it.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his father asked, "what did you learn today?"

He answered, "The Rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt."

"How?"

The boy said "Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharoah up. Then while he was down, he got all the people together and ran towards the sea. When he got there, he has the Corps of Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge. Once they got on the other side, they blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying to cross."

The father was shocked. "Is that what the Rabbi taught you?"

The boy replied, "No. But you'd never beleive the story he DID tell us!"

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As Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel began to complain to Moses of how thirsty they were after walking so far. Unfortunately, they were not able to drink from the walls of water on either side of them, as they were made up of salt-water.

Then, a fish from that wall of water told Moses that he and his family heard the complaints of the people, but that they through their own gills could remove the salt from the water and force it out of their mouths like a fresh water fountain for the Israelites to drink from as they walked by.

Moses accepted this kindly fish's offer. But before the fish and his family began to help, they told Moses they had a demand. They and their descendants had to be always present at the seder meal that would be established to commemorate the Exodus, since they had a part in the story. When Moses agreed to this, he gave them their name which remains how they are known to this very day, for he said to them, "Go Filter Fish!"
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A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:

"Ma nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot."

Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

I would just like to say, Fuck you Manischewitz, for arbirtarily not making TamTams this year, after I ordered 4 pounds of chopped liver for my people.

The week is annoying enough, give the people their TamTams.

Dammit.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

no "tam tams?" that's an outrage! try tortilla chips. the shockeys use "scoops."

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? (Kosher Coke Update, 2008)

TamTam?
Pretend I'm a Catholic from the midwest and haven't got a clue what one is/they are