Why So Bitter, Herb? 2014 Edition (page 14)

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? 2012 Easter Edition, chocolate bunnies welcome (page 13)

So this morning I go to a foreign grocery store (meaning foreign to me, not like a Yemenese fish butcher, nothing like that), because I am supposed to make spinach dip. I can't imagine the kind of person who invented spinach dip. "Hey, I know, let's take these leaves that no one likes under any circumstance, chop 'em all up, and slather them with mayonnaise! And sour cream! How good does that sound!?'

But for the first time in 20 years my sister is letting people in her house for passover--she cannot travel on account of the shoulder-to-knee lipo--and told me to bring spinach dip.

So I'm in this monstrous grocery store in her town, every woman constricted into her Lululemons and every man protectively holding his hairweave in place due to high winds.

I need three things: spinach, mayo, and sour cream. How hard can that be? Takes me only 55 minutes to find everything, and all I can think is, I am 55 minutes closer to the end of my life and I still have to make spinach dip.

Then I had second thoughts about the mayo. It just grosses me out. It looks gross, tastes gross, does hideous things to every fiber of your body. I can go with just the sour cream, right? I take the mayo out of my cart, and put it on the nearest shelf. I don't know, just some shelf. Near the foil pans and whatnot.

I'm nearing the checkout and I hear aggressive footsteps behind me. Store manager taps my shoulder. He is holding the mayo.

'Excuse me, did you want this?' No. No I do not.
'Do you want us to return it to the correct shelf?' Um, okay, thank you.
'Because it goes on the other side of the store.' Yes. I guess it does.
'So you want us to put it back over there for you?' Okay, if you want.

I mean, what is that about??

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? 2012 Easter Edition, chocolate bunnies welcome (page 13)

Spinach dip is the non-breaded family alternative to this:

1 slice white bread.
Smear with egg salad.
Cut green olives in half.
Place olives in rows on the egg salad.
Roll it up into a tube.
Slice.

'Sweetheart, who is making the olive rolls? Do you remember when Grandma Chayna made the olive rolls? Do you remember Grandma Chayna, with the droopy eye? I was always worried one of you girls would get the droopy eye. Should I roast a bone?'

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? 2012 Easter Edition, chocolate bunnies welcome (page 13)

I wish I could just "like" all of 21's posts.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? 2012 Easter Edition, chocolate bunnies welcome (page 13)

Memo to agent:

Book idea: 'Hotel Haroses: 50 Easy Holiday Recipes You Can Make at the Hilton So You Don't Have to Mess Up Your Sister's Kitchen.'

Let me know.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? 2012 Easter Edition, chocolate bunnies welcome (page 13)

Hope anyone sedering had a good one last night, best wishes if you must do it again tonight.

Somehow there is a raspberry ring-jell stuck in my hair and I have no idea how to get it out.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? 2012 Easter Edition, chocolate bunnies welcome (page 13)

I have to sit next to my sister-in-law's crazy mother at Seder. She spends the entire night talking to me about reality TV and asking insane questions, like which of my kids do I think are smarter, better looking or which do I love the most. Four glasses of wine won't cut it tonite.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? 2012 Easter Edition, chocolate bunnies welcome (page 13)

I highly recommend lono's outstanding variation: four glasses of vodka.

I do not understand how my mother just never runs out of words. There are only so many words in the language, plus a few thousand extra from the soundtrack to 'Gigi'....how can she use so many, and repeat them all so many times??

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? 2012 Easter Edition, chocolate bunnies welcome (page 13)

Three times a year, I love 21 more than ever... (You couldn't have bought premade spinach dip?)

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? 2012 Easter Edition, chocolate bunnies welcome (page 13)

Went to two very different seders this year.

Night one - Wife's cousin's home, where we've gone the last few years. Their kids are 18, 14, and 5 or 6. All go to Jewish Day School, but they have a very simple seder. This year they created their own hagadah from this website: http://www.diyseder.com/ Lots of song parodies and quick explanations of everything.
The meal and dessert went on for so long, we never got to the second half of the seder.
Other than the chicken soup and gifilte fish, the rest of the dinner (and dessert) was done buffet style (although there were only 9 adults and 6 kids (one pre-teen, and not including Little E who's only 3).

The second night, the rabbi at the synagogue where my wife works invited us to his house for the seder. He told us there would be lots of kids there (and there were - they had their own two tables for the meal). However for the first part of the seder it was geared towards the kids - very informal, very fun, as the rabbi dressed as Moses (using a hockey stick as his staff) led the telling of the story and explanation of the foods in his basement. Then we moved the dining room for the meal, which was also delicious. After dessert there were so many separate conversations going on, someone walked in the front door and behind the rabbi and joked Eliahou (Elijah) just arrived. Afew minutes after that the rabbi admitted defeat and sang one line of Chad Gadyah and let it be.

My first batch of matzoh brie yesterday morning came out pretty good.

 

Re: Why So Bitter, Herb? 2012 Easter Edition, chocolate bunnies welcome (page 13)

If I had tried to crash this seder instead of going to the family on the first night, I'd probably be calling around for divorce lawyers Monday morning...

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/07/nyregion/celebrating-passover-and-bruce-springsteen-too-at-madison-square-garden.html?_r=2