Why Women Still Can’t Have It All

I would respectfully say there is a difference between voicing an opinion and voicing judgment. As a society, we coddle most women right now, telling them whatever decision they want to make is perfectly acceptable. I think that women are in an odd spot: they place high expectations for their own lives but still have "low expectations" in many other elements.

Example: I can't just take off work 20 times a year and say "it is a medical thing", as many women can do without a second thought.

Many women, in corporate settings, will nit and peck another successful female colleague behind her back and then get upset why many conference rooms are still "boys clubs". It is this odd paradox between claiming to want sisterhood while still marking the territory.

As a man, I know there are built in advantages in the system. I can put on 15 extra pounds without feeling like I have less respect. I don't have to fear gray hair or aging between there isn't a stigma on my side.

Yet I don't get to "job hop", ask about the possibility of "can I telecommute three days a week?" or decide to cut down my hours. Generally in the workplace, men make more money but do have fewer flexibility options.

I do have my ears open with the women I know. They are all, to a person, anxiety-riddled parents, constantly chasing this "ideal".

 

(and another thing)

This is where the whole "stay at home" dynamic is even tougher. The economy is such a wreck right now. Raise your hand if you're almost 40 and have been waiting for a 64 year old colleague to move on so that you can succeed him in a prime job. I am. Have been for four years. He didn't move his retirement from stocks to bonds five years ago and lost half of it. So he is still working instead of his planned 2010 retirement.

And I am still waiting. Making about 40k a year less than I would have had he retired and I succeeded him. These are years of savings I will never get back.

Millions of workers are stuck in this cycle. Waiting for a baby boomer to retire as we are five years behind our career goals. That trickles down to the 25 year old professional who is at an entry level position instead of working at my current level. As we all wait for the Baby Boomers to finally leave, the subsequent generations will be paying for their retirements AND spend their formative years making lower salaries.

Someone had earlier mentioned ambition. I am fueled by ambition but it is tempered with trying to keep a quality of life that is acceptable. Like my print friends here, I am in a very specific industry where I just cannot "go across the street" without major ramifications. If I want a raise, I will have to move to a new city. I have no problem with it. I know the other four people in my house would fight it, even if it meant substantially more money.

I simply think it is irresponsible to put a college aged student on the head and say "you can do anything you want" without explaining that is takes drive, backbone and a chin facing up.

Some discover it too late. I have a female colleague. She's 32. Extremely sharp. Spent the first 10 years chasing the big check. She got it... But after two divorces and a broken engagement. Now she wants kids but can't find "husband material", even with a six figure salary. She is the stereotype of "that" woman. Three cats because he can't keep a man. Loft in the city. Drinks too much and cries herself to sleep as she has become dead weight at work.

Ambition and energy are great... If you know where to steer them.

 

Instead of waiting for the 64-year-old person doing his job to quit, go after dead weight's six-figure-salary job.

 

Different career track.


The job of Ron Burgundy is much more satisfying than being another manager.

 

For the most part, I fail to see the stereotypes here. Is it the women need flexible schedules to have it all? Other than maybe a smart ass comment or two that's about the only thing I can come up with. And I'd be willing to bet almost all of us have seen women (and men) use kids and families to get out of work early or to extend deadlines or miss work or whatever. I don't think it advances the work-life balance at all and negatively impacts all parents who'd like more time at home, because it's abused. I have a single friend who has noticed where he works the only people scheduled to work over Christmas are single people without kids and spouses. Is that fair? Because single people don't celebrate Christmas?

It's hard for women to have it all, whatever all is. But it's hard for everyone. The key is finding the balance within your family and workplace and be comfortable with it. That's the closest anyone can come to having it all.

 

Agree with all of this. The "having it all" question is pointless. It's about finding balance, and through that, happiness.

 

I agree on the "single person" and Christmas at work element. I do volunteer to work on New Years Eve and New Years Day so my single colleagues can get trashed on "their" holiday. Happy to help them observe.

As a parent, we've all used our kids for an easier day. I know I've been guilty of it. Not often.

The work/life balance is a bear. Some days I think I have it right. Other days I wish I could provide more financially.

 

I have always been interested in the studies that purport to link money to "happiness." Most of those studies conclude that the amount needed is very small -- $50,000 a year in household income, or I saw an adjusted one recently that said $75,000. Yet I would guess that in most cases of people who are conflicted, they would say the number they "need" is double or even triple that range.

 

I hear ya. But, honestly, I believe it's bad strategy to base a gameplan on what someone else may or may not do.

I was in a similar situation. Waiting for someone else to move on. Waited and waited. When they finally did, powers that be passed over me and brought in someone from the outside who was several years younger than I was. Needless to say, I jumped ship pretty quickly. No more waiting.

 

Fully agree.

But also under contract for a bit longer so, legally, I cannot move on.

 

It's particularly unfair when you consider that, in their final act of devotion to their country, the Greatest Generation all climbed up on mesas when they turned 55 and waited to die. The boomers just waltzed in to those vacant corner offices.

Newsflash: There's a kid two years out of college who can't wait for you to get the hell out of his/her much more deserving way.

'Twas ever thus. It's not a system rigged to screw you.

 

Why would anyone wait for someone to retire or otherwise get out of the way? If the line at the bathroom was too long, would you stand there until you pissed in your pants? Or would you go find another bathroom?