Worst lede ever

"Close has led to frequent cigars for the State U baseball team."

Hell, I might use that one myself sometime.

 

My all-time personal sports favorite came years ago, when a flaky stringer of ours composed this gem on deadline:

"In the battle of the species, the Beechwood Tigers blasted the Bellevue Tigers Friday night."

 

Sorry, I laughed my ass off at it. :

 

I've been sifting through these gems and have been laughing my ass off, but not like I did with this nugget.

 

I was the news editor one year at my college paper. One night on deadline, a freshman walks in two hours late with an advance of a cross country tournament that Local U was hosting. The kid was eager to learn and the sports editor had figured that a women's cross country advance was a nice, easy starting point. An Apple IIE had to be replaced later that week because the sports editor unloaded a mouthful of Pepsi on the computer when he read:

I think the Beastie Boys said it best: "Girls. All I really want is girls."
Well, there will be plenty of girls at the park on Saturday when Local U hosts a cross country meet.

 

Two submissions from me,

First, as an intern during my college days, a sports editor passes along a column from opening day in Cincy with this as the lede.

The sun.
The fun.
The hot dogs.
And the home runs.


And from a weekly near to me...same one with a sports editor who routinely rips off chunks of my gamers that appear days in advance of her stories. This was her lede:

If you were a high school, wouldn't you want your visitors to think that you had some class, especially where they sit?

 

One-word leads qualify for this group.

Years ago, a scribe used this as a lead: Whoosh!

It was a high school baseball game story.

One of these days, I'm gonna write the perfect one-word lead on a game. It'll read something like this.

By I.M. FAITHLESS
The Cocksucker Journal

PODUNKVILLE - Fucked.

That's how Coach Heywood Jablowme felt Friday after his Pondunkville baseball team lost 9-8 to Parts Unknown Tech in a Region 69-A game that ended on a controversial play at the plate.

 

Enjoy boys and girls...



The sound of the players' whooping and hollering was so deafening that Podunk High School coach John Cocktostin had to pause before taking a cell phone call. It was the sound of a boys' soccer team breaking through a two-year barrier.

XXXXX

Podunk didn't want a repeat performance - the Lions remembered all too well when Bumbledump got the better of them earlier this season in a slugfest.

This time, Podunk had the better sluggers.

XXXXXXX

Racing has always been in Joe Blow's blood.

XXXXXXX

On a tennis court, Sally Sue likes to play so many shots at an angle, she could double as a whiz at geometry.

 

You know, change all the words in this lede and it's not half bad.

 

That is the best lead ever.

 

Brilliant use of the one-word lede, "Heywood Jablowme" and "Parts Unknown".

Simply brilliant.

 

Fucked.

I've read so many stupid one-word leads that this just made me laugh my ass off for about 10 minutes.