Worst lede ever

Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!

 

In a news story, didn't make the paper:

"All Mike Smith wanted was a blowjob."

 

That is in no way a bad lede ... well, if you could actually get away with publishing it anyway.

I know I'd keep reading.

 

Here's three from the a few years ago:

"Following their loss in the regional, the SCHOOL field hockey team was found balling under the tree."
Needless to say, most every guy on the staff wanted to cover the team the next year. Oh, by the way, the lead was written by a woman.

"Coach NAME called his team's loss last Friday an udder catastrophe."
Side note: In the same story, the writer said the coach made a "mute point."

"Not all twins are identical , and that is especially true in the case of fraternal twins NAME and NAME."

 

It's a "moo point." Like a cow's opinion, it doesn't matter. ... It's "moo." [/tribiani]

 

An unedited outdoors column I once saw:

"It'd been years since I greeted the sunrise with a rod in my hand."

 

Came across a prep gamer once that read "The [school name here] running game chewed up yards the way a fat kid eats cake...lots of it at a time."

Also had an American Legion gamer that led off with "Thanks to a deeper pitching staff, [area team] managed to squeeze by with a 11-1 win over [other area team] in American Legion action Friday night."

The latter was written by an idiot 19-year old who had no clue and ever less talent. I can say that because I was that idiot 19-year old.

 

Sadly, there will be people here who see nothing wrong with that lede.

 

Whaddya mean? Add an exclamation mark and it sings!

 

Sings like Pia Zadora, maybe.

 

He had me at magnificent, Moddy.