Worst lede ever

It's an SNL Celebrity Jeopardy quote, Lester.

 

You mean the part about Young's leg coming apart?

 

I thin

I was midway through posting that I actually-almost-sorta like this one when I saw the comment above.

It's laugh-out-loud over-the-top, and it's hilariously hyberbolic, but it is redeemingly cheeky.

 

Yeah no shit. I'd read every last word of that article.

 

From the Friday night after Sept. 11:

The terrorist attacks on our country didn't stop Bumblefuck High from celebrating its homecoming.

Well thank God!

 

shag - i'm so glad you didn't use the word inch, instead.

 

I was making a dick joke, actually.

 

Shit you not, high school football game story...
"Much like Dale Earnhardt in turn four at Daytona, the so-and-so Tigers had an awful day at the office, falling 70-14 to so-and-so."
Of course, there were calls for that guy's head

 

Hell, Shag ... A day later, I'm still curious what the hell actually happened to this guy.

He just wanted a blowjob? Well .... what did he actually get? Did he go find a skanky hooker? Cheat on his wife? Call his girlfriend? Boyfriend?

Is it a "All he wanted was a blowjob and an entire orgy broke out" sort of situation? Lord knows, we've all had that happen.

Regardless, that lede's got me hooked. I'm pretty sure it could work for anything, in fact ...

All coach Slenderhead wanted was a blowjob.

Instead, he had to settle for a 35-14 win for his Muskrat High team over rival Jaggoff in the teams' season-opener Friday.

 

I hate to follow Shifty Squid's excellent lede that should be on EVERY SINGLE HS FOOTBALL STORY, but, eh, that's the breaks.

Anyway, some of you might remember Wayne Fuson, sports editor of the late, not-so-great Indianapolis News, who wrote terrible, crusty-old-man columns. Every one, it seemed, would start with "Notes written on..." followed by whatever piece of parchment he had laying around -- the back of a 1965 Old Oaken Bucket program, the plain-brown wrapper covering his Playboy, the side of a box of prunes, whatever.

My friends and I always hoped his last column would start: "Notes written on the inside of my bodybag." Alas, it did not.

 

And he breaks rule No. 1 ... never make a snippy response when you're tired or you'll regret it.

I'm a douche.

 

"Somebody once said, 'Get me another horse.'"

The author -- who had had a long, distinguished career and is an outstanding reporter if not the world's finest wordsmith -- could not recall the source of the quote (Richard III, through the pen of Shakespeare) or the exact quote "a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse"). This being long before the Internet age, he was unable or unwilling to look it up. But that didn't stop him from using it (or his own variation, anyway).