Writers' Workshop (2008 and Beyond, now with Updated Updates)

Re: Writers' Workshop

Well this thread is certainly a pleasant development. I may post some of my stuff later on to be ripped to shreds. I could certainly use the feedback. Nice work, jcgmacg.

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

No. I think what has been written is fine. I think we should be tough. Suggestions on tightening or improving a story are fine. But if people get on here and just rip something to shreds -- that's not too productive.

 

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Absolutely.

 

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This is an awesome thread...thanks

 

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This can make all of us better, and I'm looking for everybody to remain constructive, Ace. Thanks.

 

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thank god jones and alma are back

and thanks for posting stuff, chi

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

Thanks, Hoops.

As for Heinz and his final graf, I think the success of it lies in a couple of things.

1) He could have finished on a quote. A lot of writers would have, especially today. I love Heinz's use of quotes throughout the story, especially the ones that haven't been attributed. And again, it would have been really easy to finish on another. But I've never liked quotes as a finish. I mean, if the quote is especially terrific, then maybe, but sometimes I think it's just a lazy way out. Here, Heinz went for the harder finish -- to write and to read.

2) He chooses perfect imagery. It is so evocative, it can't help but form a picture in the reader's mind. He also uses the pitch-perfect words to describe it: He uses the word "alone" for starters, which is a word with such built-in emotion. It's one of those words, like "gone" or "away" that catches in your chest. I've always been struck by the pile of bricks, too, perhaps because subconsciously it signals that the horse will soon be tossed away, like clutter. And -- this will sound more cynical than I mean for it to -- but Heinz was lucky in a way that it rained that day. The scene is not nearly as powerful without the rain running off the dead horse. Using weather as a metaphor or as a literary crutch can be tough sometimes; it can read forced. But Heinz is gentle enough with it here that it works.

3) "dead an hour and a quarter after his first start" -- another perfectly rung note. Just so painful that a horse can go from running around a track to dead behind a barn that awfully quick.

3) And last, of course, is the final, final line, the horse's lineage. Instead of writing something like, "Air Lift, a horse with so much potential, now forever left untapped" -- a ham-handed, more modern effort at beating the reader over the head with how tragic this all is -- HERE IS WHERE YOU SHOULD CRY -- Air Lift's lineage conveys the magnitude of the loss with more subtlety and thus with more devastating effect. It's like the difference between war movies by Oliver Stone or Terrence Malick. Sometimes, most times, the softer pitch has more weight to it, at least in the long run.

To wit: Here we are, reading about a horse that died 57 years ago, and its demise still brings shivers. I'm sorry Air Lift died that day, but because Heinz was there to witness it, that horse has more of a legacy than it might have had it run a thousand races.

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

This is the reason I started coming to this site, hoping for a thread like this. I'd like to post a story on here, but it's pretty long, and I don't have a link for it. Is there any other way than taking up a bunch of consecutive posts?

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

I say just break it up into posts, ChiliPep. Those who really want to offer up constructive analysis will have no problem getting through it. Just post it in 3,000 word chunks.

 

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Hey, RHCP, thanks for coming in. I'm glad you're anxious to post. About our technical limitations here, I'll admit I'm baffled, too. I rely on the collective superintelligence of the board to answer our start-up needs. Until that help arrives, though, I'd suggest you PM one of the moderators for suggestions about posting long, unlinked work. You may just have to wait a day or two.

In fact, this whole enterprise is going to take a little patience from everyone, as we sort out the mechanical issues.

 

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See?


Oh, and I'll be coming back to the Heinz piece, too, as the night, and the week, roll on. As Mr. Jones did, please share your thoughts on it.

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

Good thread.

http://www.nymetro.com/news/sports/16528/

Just a story I saw this week ... I think it's got some great, great color.
Extremely well-written. Was reading this with somebody nearby, and stopped 4 times to tell them how good it was.

But the closing seemed to leave something to be desired. I wanted more. Maybe i didn't want it to end. I don't know.
Ending seemed kind of rushed.

But still - it's the best profile I've read on a baseball player in quite some time.