Writers' Workshop (2008 and Beyond, now with Updated Updates)

Re: Writers' Workshop

There were no tears. There were no forced smiles. It was a locker room with faces that looked painted on by a toy maker.
In your first link, I like the idea of your lede but it's a bit hard to follow. If the smiles are painted on by a toy maker, are they real ... or are they fake? I didn't know the answer until I was three paragraphs in.

After losing a tight Game 1 and taking control in Game 2, the looks weren't a surprise.
Also, in the second graf, the way it's written puts the action on "the looks." As in, the looks lost Game 1 and took control in Game 2.

You are a good man for posting your links. Hopefully, I'll work up the courage to post mine one day.

 

Re: Writers' Workshop


Rhody,

I'll take a crack on the basketball game, because I don't know hockey so well.

* You lede with the kid from the other team getting 26 points and 16 rebounds. And say it's the kind of night you would expect. I would not go that way, makes it sound ho-hum and he is not the story. I know what you are trying to do but by putting him in your lede, you are backing into the story.

* You need to pick and angle and run with that. I know you were trying for the "bunch of guys pitched in angle" but go with one. You can mention the others but you have a chance to do more of a writing job. Focus on someone.

I might have gone with the Reels kid who had the crappy game but make the big steal at the end to save the game. Try to get into his head more. Describe what he was thinking at the time. What did it feel like to make that steal? Describe what was so bad about his game.

You also could have gone with the Devaney kid and fleshed that out more. Either would work.

I don't think the phrase "organized the block party" works.

You have a real opportunity here with extra time to write so make the best use of it. Really flesh out an angle and get into the kids head. Instead of just freshening the story, maybe you get some more quotes from the kids about the reaction at school/talk amongst themselves.

Of course if they have played another game by the time this publishes that won't work so well.

Also try to avoid the [] in direct quotes when you can.

"[Shots] find me somehow," Devaney said. -- That's awkward. Set up the quote so you don't have to do that if you can.

Peace.

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

Different handle, killing time at work...

Here's the best way (I think) to establish and go forward with the Writers' Workshop, which is the best idea on here since "You're hired!" and "Can I Cover the Dolphins? I'll give you free knives!"

Whereas there's a Journalism board, a Jobs board and an Anything Goes board, there should be a Workshop board.

So that the board doesn't get either ignored or burnt out/everyone posting at once, there should be a moderator (I'll do it if no else wants to, would actually like to) who is in charge of posting stories for critique. I'll set up an email account and people can email their clips as word documents.

This does two basic things; it keeps everyone's handle anonymous and two, it allows people (if they want to) to put their real by line on the pieces. It also gives browsing editors a possible chance to recruit? ... and either way, people will find out who wrote what through a Google search if they so desire.

I propose three or four stories a week for the board's critique, each to be placed on a separate thread on the Workshop board. For example:

Game Story, for week of
Feature Story, for week of
Profile, for week of
Column, for week of

Within each thread, we can dissect the piece and provide constructive criticism. A week later, there's a new batch of cookies to devour.

People will have their stories posted on a rotating basis, and the best part is that by critiquing other's work and reading the collective responses, we can all improve and apply the advice into our own work -- this approach will also prevent 42 and a half similar stories from being posted (hasn't happened yet), which would deflate the whole idea of Writer's Workshop.

So, feedback on the approach if you've got it. And Webby, if you like the idea, give me the go-ahead (PM for details, my name, etc.) and we can get this thing going.

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

RHCP:

Read your story a couple of times now. Like everyone else, I think all the parts are there. I agree that it could stand to be tighter. I also think something keeps the parts from connecting as much as they should.

I've struggled with what I'd change, though. I liked the suggestion of opening with him Iraq, or even on the plane heading into Baghdad, but another part of me thinks that might turn off a good chunk of your audience who might have been saturated in war stories.

Still, the story needs some kind of conceit... I mean, I like the idea that this guy is a kind of traveler, collecting stories. I like the last line. But maybe there was some other way to go.

So far, the best I've come up with -- and I can't decide if it's good or lame -- is to have opened with the stabbing. It's dramatic, and perhaps less expected, than the war opening. And then maybe his back becomes the chassis the whole story is built on. In Iraq, he probably spent a good amount of time looking over his shoulder; as a wrestler, it's all about keeping it from being pressed against the floor. It would be a hard trick to pull, because it could seem forced. I'm still torn about whether it would have been a good way to approach the story.

It's interesting, though, because when you're looking for the "idea" to hang a feature on, there's no right or wrong. But after you make that first basic choice, you're pretty much on rails... There's only once place for the story to go. Choosing the theme is a little like picking a name for your kid. In a lot of ways, you're dictating how happily it, and he, will get along in life.

Just goes to show how important it is to find the right thread before you start. I'm not saying you didn't here; your story is just a good example of how there are so many ways to go.

Not sure if any of this makes sense. Tired tonight. But anyway.

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

redhotchilliprepper:

Show, show, show, show, show, show, show. And maybe tell me a little bit in between it alll.

It's cliche, but it's gospel.

In your lead you talk about how he's got all these great stories to tell, so I'd try to find a way to get a more story-telling type feel out of the article.

Example: The stabbing bit would have made for a great narrative sequence. Don't tell me he spent time in a hospital bed, put me in that hospital bed. Show me the stab wound, make me understand the pain, the turmoil he was experiencing as he attempts to build this normal life. Make me feel what it was like to come back from the injury that summer.

Another example: You write, "His girlfriend Gina Marino is expecting their first child, a son, within the next month. Thomas is more excited than ever. He carries his cell phone with him everywhere, including the wrestling room, just in case he should get the phone call that the baby is coming." -----------

again, this would have more impact if you actually wrote it as a scene. Since he carries his cell phone everywhere, I am guessing he had it on him when you were talking? Boom, there it is. You spent a lot of time talking about his appearance, his demeanor. But don't tell me about his demeanor. Show me. Where was he when you were talking to him? What was he doing? Was the cell phone on him? Maybe you could watch him practice one day and use that for some color.

Aside from the normal tightening up, that is the best advice I can bring to the table. Show, don't tell. I think you can pick it up through osmosis by reading some talented writers (many of whom have already been linked).

I think it's great that you posted your stuff on here. I really enjoyed reading this thread.

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

I've decided to give this subject it's own sub-board. Please feel free to create new topics on the sub board.

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

awesome... great decision webby

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

Speaking of which, I wish somebody APSE would make a move while he's still with us and give him the damn Red Smith Award, which I've suggested a couple of times to APSE types to no avail.

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

Here is a story I wrote recently for Page 1 News. I have to do a lot of these coaches hiring stories and I hate doing them because it is hard not to make it into a rah, rah piece about how everyone is excited.
If you can offer some feedback on this one that would be great:


NAMPA — Some people will question Todd Cady’s sanity.
Cady, the head wrestling coach at Skyview High School, has been named the head football and wrestling coach at Columbia — the new Nampa School District high school.
“I don’t know how he’ll be able to handle coaching football and wrestling,” Columbia athletic director Randy Potter said, “but if there is anyone that can do it, it’s Todd.”
Cady has nine years of experience as an assistant football coach and five years of experience as a head wrestling coach.
“I know what I’m capable of and I wouldn’t put myself in a position where I thought I’d fail,” Cady said. “I wouldn’t blame anyone for having questions — there are a lot of them.
“I have sought a lot of advice and opinions from others in the coaching world and I talked to three or four guys that have done both sports. They said it was a challenge, but I just need to be organized as a coach.”
Despite being unproven on the football field as a head coach, he has worked with some of the best coaches in the valley.
He was an assistant at Weiser for four years, working under Jeff Murphy and John Srholec and winning a state title. He moved to Skyview and worked under Matt Strong — reaching the state semifinals twice — and for two years under Dave Young.
“I’m definitely unproven as a football guy,” Cady said. “I don’t know what to expect as far as wins and losses, but I do know that with who is coming up there is no reason we can’t be competitive with teams next year.”
On the wrestling side, Cady has one of the best track records in the state.
Skyview won 101 duals in the last five years under him and brought home the state title in 2005.
“We have a quality program in place and basically my staff is coming over with me from Skyview,” Cady said.
The wrestling program also finished second twice and third once under Cady.
No matter how Cady’s teams do on the field, it was a chance he said he couldn’t pass up.
“The opportunity to put your stamp on two programs — that is something special,” Cady said. “Administration-wise I think expectations aren’t high, but myself I only have high expectations.
“For me, it has always been about effort and kids just trying to get better each and every day.”

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

I couldn't find some of the stuff I wanted to post, but this will do. It's mostly game stories. I just want to bounce them off some others and see what you think. I'm always a fan of feedback. Gotta go find a tornado shelter now. See ya.

This was just a fun little feature I did about a bench guy

SHS’ Seifert brings attitude



Prior to Friday’s game against Denton Guyer, Sherman’s Josh Seifert said he had some extra motivation before the Bearcats’ 83-56 win.

“They didn’t respect us much from what we read in the papers,” Seifert said. “They said all we had was defensive pressure and that we couldn’t shoot. I’ve learned that most teams don’t like us.”

Seifert might have been the last person the Wildcats wanted to upset, if his teammates perception of him says anything.

“Nasty,” the 6-0 senior said. “That pretty much sums me up in one word.”

And it’s no secret.

Sherman head coach Jeff McCullough had every player say one word about each other earlier in the season, which led to a consensus on Seifert.

“Over half of the kids wrote ‘nasty’ for Josh,” McCullough said. “That’s the way he plays. He’s not afraid to mix it up. He’s not afraid to take an elbow in the nose. He’s not afraid to take a punch in the face.”

Seifert has averaged 5.2 points per game this year, and has shot 16-of-30 from beyond the arc, but he’s developed a reputation as a defensive stopper, and in many ways has taken on the persona of another former Texoma standout — Southeastern Oklahoma’s Dennis Rodman.

The reserve is often called upon to do the team’s dirty work, such as taking charges (he leads the team with 24 on the season) or just playing mental games with his opponent.

“He gets under guys’ skin and gets them frustrated,” McCullough said. “He’s probably taken more cheap shots from the other team than any player I’ve ever had just because he gets guys so frustrated.”

Seifert gave one team, in particular, trouble earlier this season, so much so that many Wichita Falls players were audibly complaining to their coach on the bench about Seifert’s play.

After Sherman’s Jan. 13 win over the Coyotes, Seifert listened to their players say the win was given to Sherman by the referees on the walk back to the locker rooms.

Seifert just laughed at them, and McCullough wouldn’t have him any other way.

“I love what he brings to our team,” McCullough said. “He’s physical, and he’s really one of the few guys on the team with that mentality. That’s one of the things that makes us mesh so well.”

Seifert summed up his feelings on how other teams see him with a veiled smile.

“Most teams just don’t like me,” he said. “I know refs don’t like me that much. I don’t really know why.”

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

(More)

Gamer

Bearcats clinch share of 5-4A

Sherman senior Alex Little took an otherwise docile environment and brought it to life Friday with a thundering dunk.

The follow-up on Michael Brooks’ missed layup with 30 seconds remaining in the game put an exclamation point on the reserve’s career at home as he ran back down the floor jumping and let out an “Yeah, baby!”

“When I get out there I’m usually out there to do something exciting on offense,” Little said. “I got a dunk earlier in the year, but it was nothing like this. I was pretty excited. I didn’t really know where I was at until about halfcourt. I think that’s when I came down.”

Playing in front of the smallest home crowd in district play, Little’s dunk brought the crowd to life as the Bearcats (26-4, 10-1) clinched at least a share of the District 5-4A title with an 83-56 win over Denton Guyer (5-21, 0-11). A win Tuesday at Burkburnett would clinch the outright district championship.

The crowd-pleaser wouldn’t have happened if not for Brooks’ miss, but don’t tell him that.

“Brooks claims he threw it off the glass for Alex,” Sherman head coach Jeff McCullough said. “The jury’s still out on that one but I was real proud of Alex. He comes in every single day and maybe doesn’t get as many minutes as the other guys but he works just as hard. That’s why he’s one of team captains.”

McCullough said the dunk will live in the Little lore for the rest of time.

“By the time it gets to his kids, he probably would’ve done a 360 from the free throw line,” he said.

Guyer hung with the Bearcats early, hitting a couple of 3-pointers to close the deficit to 15-12 with a couple of minutes left in the first quarter. That’s when Sherman made its move.

Over the final two minutes of the first quarter and the first 2:40 of the second quarter, the Bearcats went on a 21-0 run to put the game away.

The run was spurred by a building block to the future of Sherman’s program, sophomore post Jeremy Gray.

The 6-6 forward has shown potential this season, but has had a tendency to get into foul trouble. He ended up fouling out in the fourth quarter, but not before a one-minute span got the ball rolling for the Bearcats.

Gray got two inside buckets to start the second to give the Bearcats a 12-point lead. After a 3-pointer by Jeff Dick, Gray had a steal and threw the ball upcourt to a running Eric Kennedy for an easy layup.

Gray ended the second quarter with two more steals and two more assists. He finished the game with six points and four rebounds, and gave McCullough hope for the future.

He might not have played as much as he did if not for the absence of Sherman’s leading scorer Jeff Ellis, who missed the game with a virus.

“I think he sparked us,” McCullough said. “He’s got a chance to be a heckuva a player, and that’s why we’ve got him on varsity. He’s gonna be a huge player for us next year. I talked to him about that after the game. He’s gonna have to learn to stay out of foul trouble.”

Despite Guyer’s expected shortcomings this year, being a first-year program, one thing the Wildcats do have is size, something McCullough said was a good test heading into the playoffs.

Guyer’s starting frontcourt was 6-6 Mark Weber and 6-7 Alex Dimick, who’d averaged a double-double in three of his last four games. He was held to nine points.

“That’s the kind of size we’re gonna see in the playoffs,” McCullough said. “There’s a good chance we’ll run up against Fort Worth Southwest, who’s 6-11, 6-8, 6-7, they’re big. It’s good for our guys to play against that kind of size and be able to adjust.”

Sherman continued its deep scoring, despite Ellis’ absence. The Bearcats had four players hit double figures led by Brad Hambrick, who scored 14 points, including 11 in the second half.

Dick finished with 13 points on 3-of-4 from beyond the arc.

Spencer Oestreich scored 12 points and Josh Seifert finished with 11.

Oestreich said getting a share of the district title is nice, but it’s not what the Bearcats are looking for.

“One of our goals this year was to win the whole thing,” he said. “We really haven’t accomplished our goal yet. Now we have to go to Burk and get a win, and get a first-round bye in the playoffs.”

 

Re: Writers' Workshop

(Last one)

Another gamer


Defense propels Lady ‘Cats down stretch

A halftime tongue-lashing from her coach gave Mashequa Gentry all she needed.

After scoring just three points in the first half against Denton’s presence down low, 6-foot-1 post Teka Brooks, Gentry was challenged.

“Coach told me I was scared of Teka,” Gentry said. “I’m never scared of anybody. That just made me angry to know that my coach, who knows that I’m never scared to play against anybody who we’ve ever competed against, thought that I came out there scared.”

Gentry’s 10 second-half points helped lead the Lady Bearcats to a 53-52 District 5-4A win after trailing Denton by 13 points at the half.

Sherman (27-4, 10-1) got off to a shaky start, making just one field goal in the first six minutes and trailed 9-7 after one quarter before the Lady Broncos (21-9, 9-2) went on a 16-4 run to close the half led by Brooks’ shooting from the foul line and Chelsi Thrailkill’s 3-point shooting.

Coming out of the locker room, it was another player’s outside prowess that proved costly for Denton.

Sherman freshman Alicia Peterson knocked down two 3s in the first minute of the second half to cut the Denton lead to seven points.

“It all kind of started after halftime with those two 3-pointers,” Sherman head coach Heather Lane said. “That was huge. When a freshman makes two 3s, and that gives the rest of your kids hope and momentum — that’s just huge for a freshman to have the confidence to be able to do that.”

If not for Denton foul trouble, Peterson might not have gotten good enough looks to knock down the momentum-changing shots.

“Those threes got them going again,” Denton head coach Bobby Bates said. “In the third quarter we kind of stood around and let them have good looks. She knocked two 3s down back to back, then we changed zones and did a little better, but we still weren’t as good as we are in our man-to-man.”

Trailing 52-41 with 5:41 remaining in the game, Sherman’s defense clamped down to hold Denton scoreless for the remainder of the game to make way for the thrilling comeback.

“Knowing we can play people and play really good teams and beat them, and use our defense to stop them, that makes us feel really good,” Gentry said.

With Brooks on the bench in foul trouble, Gentry capitalized inside, scoring six of Sherman’s final 10 points, including a key putback off an Ashley Wattenbarger miss.

Gentry clinched the game and gave the Lady Bearcats their first lead with 18 seconds remaining on an inside bucket facing a triple-team.

“They started going inside and did a good job going high-low and socring some points inside,” Bates said. “I give them a lot of credit for being smart and seeing the mismatches. They made plays and we didn’t.”

Sherman will close the regular season Tuesday at Wichita Falls (14-13, 6-5).


Fire away!