yes, another kids coaching story (Update: 2016-17 edition)

Ughhh. A little late for this, but the Starrville Stars regional travel season started over the weekend with a pair of thumping losses.

Because of time constraints with her other three kids and her expanding law office (now a 4-partner firm from previously a solo shop), and her informal commitment to coach the St Sissy "varsity" 5th grade team from January-March, StarSis elected for a parental-only role with the Starrs -- no coaching. So for the first time with the twins, her role (and by extension mine) will be as observer only -- no direct input. Two other team dads have signed on as scorekeeper/ assistants to the head coach.

Well, that ain't working out so good.

First off it must be stated the head coach seems to be a very nice guy: very calm, positive, no yelling/screaming. So in that regard he's fine.

The only problem is the brand of basketball he is coaching just fucking sucks. He has installed his daughter as point guard #1 and Assistant Coach Ron's daughter as point guard #2.

The team's entire offense consists of one play -- the PG dribbles very very slowly up to half court, usually taking anywhere from 9 to 15 seconds or however long it takes for the ref to notice and make a 10 second call. In the first two games there have been 11 10-second backcourt calls -- in a league which does not allow pressing.


Anyway, after the point guard (either of them) makes her very very very deliberate trip upcourt, if she manages to cross halfcourt without a 10-second call, she takes one very deliberate tiptoe step across halfcourt.... and then ..... .... .... STOPS. 42 1/2 feet from the basket.

Of course this is an immediate red-flag for the defense waiting at halfcourt to pounce, which they do, which almost always results in the PG staggering/stumbling backward, stepping on the mid court line for over and back, or just as frequently throwing the ball away.

Maybe one trip out of four they actually get the ball into the frontcourt to run some kind of offensive play, and they have two variations. The first involves the two centers/post players running up outside the 3 point line (25 or so feet out) to set a high pick, while the second is a clear out with everyone running to the left side of the court.

Both plays involve the point guard going one on one the entire play until she either gets a shot off or gets trapped in a corner. That's it. The point guard is never instructed or expected to pass the ball.

To anybody. Ever.

Since Head Coach's daughter is PG #1 and Assistant Coach's daughter is PG #2, they play a strict platoon system -- one is always in the game and both are never in the game together. So neither one is ever expected or encouraged or ordered or even gently suggested to ever pass the ball to anyone else.

This is where the coach's easygoing-nice-guy act gets a little annoying. No, you don't have to be Lombardi or Bobby Knight and start screaming, "what the F is going on here," blah blah, but it certainly wouldn't be outlandish to offer some firm corrective advice: "We need to be more decisive with the ball, and we need to see some more passing."

And after the fifth or sixth unforced 10-second backcourt call, it might be time for some firm direction to the PG: "We need to get the ball over halfcourt within 10 seconds. Quit bringing it up at a snail's pace; get it over halfcourt."

Meanwhile, Twins A and B (who are actually decent playmaking point guards) have been planted at wing positions 3 and 4. They touch the ball when they steal it (each of them have more steals than the other 7 players combined) or get rebounds, and that's it.

Twin B was actually stuck at the 4 position for half the game, giving up six inches and 50 pounds to a big chunky power forward on defense.

Twin A (the less aggressive and less offensive oriented of the two) tossed in three rebound baskets to lead the team in scoring in the first game.

When they have gotten the ball and brought it up on fast breaks, etc etc, they actually look for passes on the wings and hit people going to the basket.

Twin B, the putative starting power forward, has four assists in the first two games, which far and away leads the team (neither of the point guards have an assist yet).

But then it's back to the regular offense of the point guard and her 20-second tiptoe upcourt followed by the head-down dribble straight into the corner to get trapped by three defenders.

After the second thumping loss Sunday, the coach said, "if anybody has any constructive suggestions, you be sure and let me know." Once again, he does seem like a very nice guy.

So on the way out, StarSis and I were muttering to each other, "Number one, junk your entire offense. Number two, you got the wrong people playing point guard. Number three, resign."

It's going to be a long season-- although not really that long. They have games the next two Saturdays and then it's time for holiday break. Then in January four more games and a tourney.

The last couple weeks of that schedule could be interesting. The Starrs have four St Sissy players on their 10-player roster -- the twins, Sarah the high-strung headcase forward from the Pandas two seasons ago, and Carmella, a strong forward type who has played against the twins in rec league games the last couple of years and switched schools this season. Her dad was a rival coach in the rec league and said "we always had fun playing the Pandas."

Anyway the St Sissy contingent (players and parents both) is already looking forward to the "varsity" season, and its not too farfetched to foresee some seriously divided priorities if any schedule conflicts do arise in Jan./Feb.

 

StarSis got a stat sheet from Coach today, prepared by Assistant Coach.

In two games (32-22 and 36-18 losses), the team is 19-91 from the field.

Point Guard #1 (Coach's daughter) is 5-31. Point Guard #2 (Assistant Coach's daughter) is 3-26. Neither player has an assist.

Sarah is 3-9. Carmel 2-8. (24 and 22 rebounds respectively)

Twin A is 3-7 with 11 steals, 9 rebounds and 3 assists. Twin B is 2-5 with 8 steals, 14 rebounds and 4 assists.

No information on turnovers.

The twins reported a new play was put in in practice last night, in which the wing sets a pick for ... you'll never guess.

 

We ended up with 2 dropouts out of a league of 75 (one of which was the coach's daughter who bailed) with 5 new players joining this week. This week starts the first games which count towards the standings. I'm not counting on my team finishing in the upper half -- not enough ball handlers.

 

Well, if you had a net gain of 3 players you're probably doing all right.

Actually when I was coaching, I liked the random-draw approach, except for one year when we drew a lineup full of teeny tiny wing players. We got crushed that year but that was ok; we were good-to-great the other years.

Had we just organized teams by school, StarSis would have been playing with the same 10-12 girls every year l all the way up to high school. With the random draw approach she got 6-8 new teammates every year, so there were 25-30 girls she knew when she got to HS.

 

Like what you wrote, I think that if you have a PG who can (timely get over halfcout and not pick up their dribble) hit the open player and can actually come off of a pick, you can win 95% of the games.

 

Hot from Game 3 of the season for the Starrville Starrs.

Point Guard 1 (Coach's daughter) out of town visiting the grandparents so for this game the point guards are PG-2 (Assistant Coach's daughter)
and PG-3 ( who normally plays 2 guard and never handles the ball.) One other player, one of the team's three Anna's, is missing too so the Starrs play with a roster of 8.

The offense still consists of the PG advancing slowly slowly very very slowly to halfcourt, taking a teeny tiny tentative step over the line, then picking up the ball and stopping -- or alternately driving Head down straight into the corner.

However this game there are only three utterly unforced backcourt 10-second calls, so that's a big improvement.

Carmel and Sarah, the two St Sissy forwards, are rebounding forces. They each corral over a dozen rebounds and toss in a couple garbage hoops apiece.
Twins A and B fill the wing positions most of the game and both are defensive dervishes with near double-digit steals each. Twin B expands her runaway team lead in assists with three.

The game grinds along at a sludge-like pace until the last two minutes, with visiting Greendale holding a 14-11 lead.
Then at 2:00, pressing becomes legal, each twin gets a steal and layup and Starrville goes on a 4-1 run to tie the score at 15-15 and force OT. In this league you play one 2:00 OT and if it's still tied, the game ends in a tie.

In overtime the Starrville press is impenetrable and Greendale can't even get past halfcourt. With 7 seconds left in OT, Twin A gets a steal, draws a foul, then hits 1-of-2 free throws to win it 16-15.

So the looming prospect of one of those godforsaken 0-fer seasons is off the board, thank god.

Now it's 28 days off until the season resumes after holiday break. Coach promises some "new stuff" for practice over the break. One would hope.

 

StarSis reports the preliminary-tentative player count for the St Sissy school team seems to have stalled at 12. "We're trying to get 3 or 4 more so we can officially go to two teams," she says.

With 12, you have playing-time problems, but if you split into squads of 6, you're always one mini-flu epidemic away from forfeiting games.

 

StarSis and I were sitting behind the team bench today, so we caught Coach's stirring orations between quarters and at halftime.

END OF 1st Q: "OK, the score is 4-2. What's different about that?"

PLAYER: "We are ahead." (Correct, they had trailed at every quarter break previously.)

COACH: "You know what I want at halftime?"

PLAYERS: "To be ahead?"

COACH: "Yes."

Nice. However, no practical advice or instruction on how to achieve this.

Repeat at halftime, third quarter break and before overtime.

 

Sis got her stat sheet today from Head Coach and Asst. Coach.

The team was 7-25 from the field, including 0-7 from Point Guard 2.

The defense was much improved. In the first two games the opponents shot almost 40 percent from the field (astronomical at the 5th grade level) and Saturday they were 7-29. After being massively outrebounded in the first two games, the Starrs had the edge on the boards this time.

If they can just eliminate completely unforced turnovers they should be able to improve. Just cut out screwing around with the ball at midcourt and quit dribbling into the corner.

 

Interesting couple of days for the Starrville Starrs.

They were supposed to scrimmage the 6th grade Starrs on Monday night, but school got canceled by the arctic weather blast, and the district has a no-school, no-sports policy, so that got iced as well. Another 2 1/2-hour slot of gym time was open for Wednesday night so the scrimmage was rescheduled. MY schedule is clear, so I decide to drop in on practice and maybe have a brief discreet chat with the coach, and offer a couple of diplomatic pieces of advice, i.e. "Tell your players to:
1) Get up across halfcourt quickly;
2) Quit hesitiating as soon as you cross halfcourt;
3) Never dribble into the corner, and
4) Any time you get the ball within 8 feet of the basket, especially on offensive rebounds, go right up hard for a shot."

I walk into the gym to find the coach lacing on a pair of basketball shoes. The coach -- for today, anyway -- is StarSis.

"The parents got an email today about 9 a.m. from Head Coach and Assistant Coach saying they both had business meetings and neither of them could make the scrimmage," she said. "They asked if any other parents could take over, so I canceled a meeting and said I could do it." So here she is in Nikes and a whistle. "I have this list," I said.

"Yah yah yah yah," she said. "We've already talked about it. Get over halfcourt, don't hesitate with the ball, don't dribble into the corner, and go up hard near the basket. I got it."

Head Coach emailed a sheet of objectives for the scrimmage. "I'll cover his stuff, with maybe some minor modifications," Sis said.

All righty then. The 6th grade team is already shooting around as the rest of our 5th graders file in. In addition to the twins, there is Sarah and Carmel from St. Sissy. Olivia, PG-3 from Saturday, arrives, as does Lucy, our big, temperamental post player, and finally Annika, PG-2 and Head Coach's daughter. The only absentees are two Annas -- a quick tiny wing guard and Anna P. the daughter of Assistant Coach and at least in theory the No. 1 PG.

There's about 10 minutes of basic organizational stuff and the scrimmage starts. Randy, the coach of the sixth grade Starrs, reports they are 1-3; lost two butt-kickers, lost a tight one and then "beat somebody by 6-8 points." So we conclude they are maybe a bit below-average for their division. Since our fifth graders are 1-2 with two romping losses and a 1-point OT win, we hazard a rough guess we'll probably get smoked.

Sis has to blow the whistle three times in the first 30 seconds to deliver Points 1-2-3 of our new list of commandments to Annika. Sis suggests instead of hesitating and stopping immediately after crossing halfcourt, Annika try a hesitate-and-go move where she slows down for a dribble and then bursts straight past a pick for the basket.

All of a sudden, the center court turnovers are gone and open layups start appearing out of nowhere. Annika cans a couple shots and actually passes the ball a few times.

Sarah, Carmel and Lucy start banging the boards. With every offensive rebound, Sis pipes up with the two-syllable command, "Right up, right up, right up," and sure enough, a few rattle in. The twins, camped out at the wings on defense, start ball hawking and come up with a load of steals.

Within five minutes, we're up 10-0 and Randy calls time out to deliver what in Starrville club circles passes for a Lombardi tirade. "Come on, you're the sixth graders," he yells... well, not quite yells, but let's say he intones rather firmly. "But they're driving right past us," the players reply. "Well yeah, that's pretty much the problem," Randy says.

Sis rotates her two bench players in at every play stoppage. The sixth graders finally roll in a couple shots but the margin stays pretty safe at 4-8 points. After about 45 minutes, with the (unofficial) score 26-20, the coaches decide to go to pressing for three minutes (both leagues allow pressing in the final quarter) and the 5th graders rip off eight straight points, upon which, Randy says he's had enough. His players pack up and shuffle out. "Got a lot of work to do," Randy says, grimly.

Sis still has an hour of gym time left, so she starts running drills, including the bull-in-the-ring "butt-bumping" drill where players essentially try to bump each other out of the lane with lower-body bumping. "I love this! (Head) Coach Phil never ran this drill," the big-husky Lucy says. "Sometimes it's hard for guy coaches to tell girls to get rough and bang people around," Sis says.

Suddenly at the other end of the court, the FOURTH grade Starrs come filing in -- in the chaos after the weather cancellation, they've been assigned to the same gym space. For 15-20 minutes each team runs practice drills at one end of the court, then the coaches agree to a 20-minute scrimmage.

The fourth grade Starrs are smoking their league: they're 4-0 with four wipeout wins. So Sis figures this one will probably be close. But it's not; after the margin quickly balloons out to 16-6, Sis proposes ditching the game format and just working on defense and inbounds plays, a suggestion the 4th grade coaches happily grab. The teams break out for foul shooting practice and call it a night.

Several parents who have sat to watch the whole practice are bubbling. "Things were moving so fast," one mom raves. Sis shakes her head when a couple ask, "are you taking over," and says, "No, I just stepped in to help out for tonight. I'll help out if and when I can but Head Coach Phil will be back next week." Hopefully some of the gems of wisdom will carry over.

 

After the scrimmage Wednesday night, Sis zipped off a full report and analysis to Head Coach Phil.

He was gobsmacked -- he never put that kind of thought into games, much less practices or scrimmages.

Anyway Phil had also gotten several phone calls or emails raving (positively) about Sis running the practice. Several commented their daughters liked having a female coach and she related her experience better than the guys.

In any case Phil formally asked Sis to become an official assistant coach.

Sis still has work commitments and plenty going on with the other three kids, PLUS she's pretty well set to head-coach the St. Sissy team starting in mid-January, so she agreed on a limited basis -- she will help at games (which she would probably be at anyway) and one practice per week (out of two).

It will certainly make things hectic in Jan. and Feb. when both teams will be playing. Between games and practices they'll have basketball going 4-5 days a week.

 

Sis got email from the St. Sissy AD today.

She's been officially named coach of the St. Sissy 5th grade program. Still no definitive word as to whether they'll have one or two teams. The latest head count is at 12; school reopens on Jan. 3 and they'll probably have SOGOTP signups (where parents have to pay signup fees) by the 10th. So then they should know.

If they do get enough for two teams, then the fun begins with divvying up the player pool. Until mid-February, schedule conflict possibilities (and transportation factors) will exist for the four players on the Starrville Starrs travel team (including of course the twins).

So there will be a strong push by the parents of the other two players to be on the same St. Sissy squad (probably the one coached by Sis.)

But the problem is that the Starrville area Catholic league has an unofficial policy (and St. Sissy has a somewhat more explicit version) that if a school divides its players and enters more than one team in league play in a given grade level, the teams are supposed to be "substantially equal" -- they don't want one team designated the "A-team or the B-team," etc etc.

The league especially does not want a "varsity-JV" arrangement to exist; they do not allow players to switch from one team to another during the season (with very limited exceptions for injury or illness).

In other words, you are not supposed to load up all your best players on one team with the aim of building a juggernaut, while all the "Waldos" are left to go play on the "B-team."

The problem is that the four players playing on the Starrville Starrs are probably the four best players in the class (certainly 4 of the top 6), so if they are placed together on one team, that team is likely to be much better and look like it was picked as the "A-team."

Now this is not a hard-and-fast league RULE, but a "guideline," and some schools (Harrumph, harrumph, St. Sissy archrival St. Rudy) are often accused/suspected of fudging the rule or in any case not trying very hard to adhere to it.

In the boys' season currently heading down the stretch, in two of the four grade divisions, St. Rudy does have one very good team and one very bad team which leads to suspicions they're stacking the rosters.

(In one grade division, astonishingly, they have two terrible teams, but the scuttlebutt is that several stud players from that grade are off playing on big-time AAU travel teams, stripping their talent base for the school teams.)

St. Sissy does try fairly hard to stick to at least the spirit of the rule. They have two squads in three boys divisions, and in two of those divisions the team records are pretty comparable.

For reasons of playing time, Sis definitely wants two teams -- with a roster of 12 players or more it's always a headache getting everybody in for more than a couple minutes a game -- but it will be tough to split the talent up evenly without having some parents flip out over schedule and car-pool dramatics.

PS. I've volunteered as a part-time assistant/advance scout/ analyst /consigliere for Sis.

An ominous sign is that as yet, no other parent has signed on for assistant duties, which could become an even bigger problem if they split into two teams: they'll need an additional head coach.