Your Chance to Join NIAFL Football: The Essay Contest

Goddamn, there's some vitriol being spewed right now!

 

Truce, Ragu?

http://tinyurl.com/fxur5

 

Ragu is no more at home in a fantasy football league than the Pope is at home in a Reno whorehouse, which is obviously where he met Carrie.  

 

As the League's sole female member, let me just point out that a) the NIAFL does not discriminate based on gender, only on idiocy, and b) we already have ChrisL if we want to see tits.  His are quite spectacular.

 

Now I see what Ragu does on a Saturday night.
Looking at all those before and afters turn you on, buddy?

 

Again, you're confusing me with someone who actually puts their breasts on a website.

Plus, it would be really hard for Dr. Calabro to improve on greatness.

 

Short, not-so-sweet and to the point. What's wrong with that?

 

Ladies and gentlemen,

I have no clue what you're looking for an the ideal candidate, nor is that my concern. I can only be myself. If you don't like it, you won't pick me. If you do, I can only hope I'm selected, nothing more.

I've been in fantasy leagues much of my life. Fifteen years ago, as a high school junior, I joined with three friends to form a league because we wanted to experience fantasy sports. That league still exists today, with me winning three of the last five titles. In fact, we have a plaque -- each year, we engrave the next spot with the winner's name and season statistics. It hangs proudly in the modest apartment that I share with my fiancee.

In past years, I've managed more fantasy teams than most could fathom. But now I'm looking to scale back. I only want to be in leagues that matter to me.

SportsJournalists.com matters to me. It's hard to explain, without going into too much detail and outing myself, but the contacts I've made here will last a lifetime. A couple members of the NIAFL football league know this firsthand. It's amazing how much one post, one personal message can alter your life as you have always known it, but words have the power to do that.

Granted, I've not always been the best when it comes to fantasy football. I once traded Emmitt Smith away for both Bubby Brister and a koosh ball my that friend had been messing with all afternoon. This was pre-Super Bowl Emmitt in a keeper league. Not a great way to start a fantasy career, but it made sense at the time -- as a Steelers fanboy, I can't stand the Cowboys. Emmitt meant nothing to me -- he still doesn't. He's a bitch compared to Barry Sanders, a great Kansan who would have easily broken the late Walter Payton's record had he wanted to, despite those poor offensive lines.

I've gotten better since then, though, winning those three aforementioned titles, plus two from a 12-team league that the sports department ran at my previous stop. If you want some real competition to join the league and not a patsy, then you would be wise to look at my resume.

Heck, I got BYH's Journey-loving ass to change his name to "JustinTimberlakeRocksMyBody" for four days this past January when his Bungles got run by the Steelers in the playoffs. I know football, it's always been my passion. I would believe that's the type of person you want to join when rare openings do happen.

I might not be the most popular member around this place -- witness no honors, no memorable mentions in year-end SportsJournalists.com honors during my two years here -- but I'm true to this place. I've donated money to Webby's cause twice. In short, I'm not going to leave here anytime soon.

Good luck with your search, but after reading this essay, I believe that you will see that I’m made for this league.

 

Fixed. ;D

 

All due respect, Oz, but if I hadn't been the subject of a "Journey vs. Justin Timberlake" poll, you wouldn't have had the opportunity to get the impressionable BYH to change his handle.

Carry on.

(Oh yeah, and I was newbie of the year too. That's more than any of the candidates - except Bubbler - can say.)