your inviolable rules of writing

Never start a story, any story, ever, with a f*cking quote. It's lazy and a sign of a hack.

I am willing to occasionally bend this rule but it has to be a quote so good that it doesn't belong below anything else and that rarely, if ever, happens.

Also, be objective. Unless you're writing an opinion piece, leave your opinion out of it.

 

First Annual. NEVER USE!

 

File on time, hit your inch count and, for fuck's sake, make the final score the first number in the story, wouldja please?

 

I can guarantee no writer will post "file on time."

 

Put the score in the second or third graf, and run your best quote high.

And I'm with schiezainc, don't lead with a quote unless it's absolutely drop-dead knock-you-on-your ass. And those only come around about once every other year (maybe).

 

Concur on the importance of making the first score mentioned the final score.

Also: Spell all names correctly. Seems so obvious, doesn't it?

 

All that, and avoid passive voice.

 

Most writers don't even try.

 

How about never use the word "inviolable" in copy intended for a mass audience?

 

File on time. I'm a writer.
Of course, I'm also a former desker, so there's that.

 

No rhetorical questions serving as transitions.
I hate the word "just" because it looks weak to me, unless referencing justice.
WITH regard ...
No puns.
Anything the New York Post does.
Read and read again for dangling participles.
No phrasing like "He would go on to..." or other Sportscenter-speak.
And fuck semicolons.

EDIT: And none of that meta media shit, either. Pisses me off when media references itself but pretends it's not part of the whole. Really rampant in New York.

 

Aw, come on, how can you not like this: