Your life list, non-sportswriting version

now det, i said day and night, and we also stayed about two blocks from the hall. breakfast, lunch, dinner and a coupla nightcaps is plenty of time to ... squeeze it in, per se.

 

That's sort of what I thought I should post, but you have to admit that some of this gravy is fairly interesting. To the person who ran a 4:26 mile, though, you really should consider buying a moped or something.

 

Some people out there have led some awesome lives.
I'm more in the Shockey and Moddy camp, where having a happy marriage and two great punk kids trumps everything else. But since everyone else is posting...

Age 5: Erroneously diagnosed as child genius.
Age 19: Joined school newspaper solely because I thought having my column mug in the paper would help with the ladies. Yikes.
Age 20: Received B.S. in Finance. Still waiting to put that to use. Maybe I'll put it on eBay.
Age 21: Earned Pulitzer for Best Agate-taking on a Saturday night. For those looking to match my feat, go the extra mile when writing down that track agate. Don't just get the winners, get the top five finishers in each event.
Hey, I was new.
Age 22: Earned yet another Pulitzer for Best Description of 0-0 tie in U-10 inhouse soccer. Judges said they could literally taste little Peter Quathamer's dangerous play in that match.
Age 22: While covering final round of U.S. Open, swiftly veered into woods off 1st fairway to throw up. Some believe the previous night's booze and Big Macs caused the problem. They're pretty smart.
Age 22: Later that day, got one-on-one interview with Jack Nicklaus as he came off 18th green. Can't believe he didn't comment on my chattering teeth and shaking knees in the 90-degree heat. Oh, and saw Hale Irvin do that run-around-the-green thing after sinking his monster putt at 18.
Age 26: Married.
Age 29: Sang "Jingle Bells" for first time without using the "Batman smells" line. Also got divorced. Still not sure if these events were related.
Age 31: Remarried. In Maui for honeymoon, we woke up early, watched the sun rise over a volcano and then biked down through the fog. Couldn't believe my good fortune. Sat down for breakfast at end of the ride and amused to see college football final scores already streaming in from the East and Midwest.
Age 33: Got in the ring with Ali in his personal gym as part of a feature story. Shortly before that, seeing him dance and work up a sweat with the "Rocky" theme blaring struck me as both awesome and ironic.
Age 34: Kid No. 1 (as far as I, uh, know. Heh. Heh). Sweet.
Age 35: From Wrigley Field press-box dining room, watch an innocent foul ball go down the left-field line and off some guy's hands. Facing no official deadline assignment as the Cubs wrapped up their first World Series trip in eons, I decide to head downstairs and see what's happening down the line. Try to get to the guy, but fans are raining beers from the upper deck and ushers are stopping others from charging down the aisle to kill the dude. Classic quote from a growling, stumbling drunk desperate to get to the fan: "Hey, is that the guy who muffed the foul ball? I've got a left and a right for him."
Wonder what happened to that fan.
Age 37: Kid No. 2. Awesome.
Age 39: Still feel like I'm leading a lucky life. Ten years prior, even though I had those Pulitzers to hold onto at night, never thought it would turn out this swell.

LW

 

I'd say my life's been pretty interesting.

I'm 28 years old. I:

Shook hands with then-President Clinton
Was robbed at gunpoint while working as a cabbie
Worked as a bike messenger in Manhattan
Made a delivery to the 90th floor of one of the WTC towers 14 months before 9/11
Lived in several funeral homes while growing up
Cleaned up vomit in front of Taco Bell in the mall food court during a short stint as a janitor
Visited 32 states
Deuced in 14 Division I universities' student unions
Worked security for several concerts including Aerosmith
Did numerous drugs, smuggled an ounce of weed on a plane, bought a quarter pound of weed once
Visited nine MLB parks (including wrigley) and 16 minor league parks
Watched men's basketball games at 29 Division I arenas
Got drunk in Madison and Austin, among many, many other places
Swam in Atlantic, Pacific and Gulf of Mexico
Drove 108 mph on a backroad (couldn't go any faster, the governor on my mom's buick kicked in)
Was in traction and in a cast that covered everywhere from the armpits down after falling off a ladder at age 4
Won the spelling bee in 6th grade, then flamed out in the first round at the K of C bee (the word was copious, which I'd never heard)
Got married (7/7/07)
Went to a prison rodeo
Rode my bike the length of Illinois and Wisconsin (on separate occasions) as a teen
At a football game I told Western Kentucky's mascot (the famous Big Red) that he sucked. Big Red then motioned to me as if he wanted me to fight him. Unfortunately I decided not to fight the mascot. That would've probably been the coolest entry on this list.
Graduated college after 6 1/2 years

 

-26 States
-Along with a few hundred other kids, ran down Michael Jordan after he finished a round at a golf tournament. I was the third person to get his autograph. I had to crawl through people to get out of the mob waiting to get one too.
-Rode the Tahoe Rim Trail with my dad, brother, some uncles and cousins
-Spent a summer in London. Went to Ireland, Italy, France and Amsterdam. Many great life list-experiences there. Including drunkenly walking the Thames and Seine rivers at night with some friends, drinking whiskey and Guinness in Ireland and seeing Clapton in London.
-scored off an "in the park walk" as I like to call in 4th or 5th grade. I walked, had just seem "Little Big League," so decided to sprint to first then run to second. The other team threw the ball past second into the outfield and I made it home.
-Was assaulted as my high school's mascot...Being a smartass finally caught up to me.
-Attempted to grow a mullet for a few weeks in high school. Had my dad tell me everyday "That is the ugliest (and/or stupidest) haircut I've seen in my life."
-Have a piece of the goal post from when Missouri beat Nebraska for the first time in 25 years (thanks for mentioning the OU game Dooley, I forgot about this moment until I read that). One of my most fond nights in college.
-Attended midnight yell practice at A&M and felt the pressbox shake the next day during the Aggie War Hymn while covering the game.
-Convinced a fellow runner in high school that I was going to attempt to reach the state qualifying time in the 800 while warming up next to him. As we approach the line, I ask my couch what the qualifying time is (i might have also asked him if I should also use a starting block). He falls to the ground laughing and makes fun of me. Fellow runner is confused. He runs a 2:10 or some pretty good time and wins easily. I run about a 2:40 or worse.
-Have a great family with some cousins that I'm as close to, if not closer to, than my brother and sister.
-Experienced Mardi Gras in New Orleans (or at least the days leading up to it) with one of those cousins.
-survived a house fire (I was less than two, so parents saved me. I, obviously, don't remember.
Those are just a short list that popped into my head. I'm young, so I'm sure it will only get better as life goes on.

oh, - been lucky enough not to have a close loved one die. Thank God.

 

At age 26:

Visited 36 states and D.C.
Did one summer of drum corps, something I've yet to top
Marched with said corps in W's first inaugural parade (with the Grambling band close behind)
Drove from Omaha to both coasts (D.C. and Seattle), though on two different trips
Won four school spelling bees and two geography bees
Played parts in dozens of plays and musicals -- on stage, backstage and under stage
Won School of Hard Knocks award for under stage role as a noisy poltergeist
Interviewed Maynard Ferguson
Moved to Hawaii (highly overrated, trust me)
Convinced my parents and grandparents to eat Vietnamese food
Convinced a pair of LDS missionaries to read the Tao of Pooh
Flexed my esoteric muscles by dressing up as Gomez Addams for one Halloween
Won four non-sports journalism awards (news writing, news photo, headline writing)
Drove under a descending funnel cloud on I-80
Stayed awake for 74 hours ... just 'cause
Got plunked by a Hristo Stoichkov free kick
Experienced road game atmospheres twice within U.S. borders -- U.S. vs. Mexico at Mile High, U.S. vs. Poland at Soldier Field

Athletic stuff:
Turned an unassisted triple play (line drive to short, step on 2nd, tag runner between 1st and 2nd)
Ended that season hitting .406
Finished one middle school game with two points and 21 rebounds
Won a halftime shootout (lay-up, free throw, 3-pointer, half-court in 30 seconds) ... got stiffed on the Subway coupons and cash prize, but damn if I didn't win that ball

 

That's impressive, Trooper. My personal record is 55 hours at the end of my senior year of college ... out of necessity. I had finals, job applications, a job fair and and an awards banquet. I was falling asleep during the last two. I slept for 18 hours when it was all over.

Another personal record no one's talked about: I drank a case of beer in one night. 24 in about 6 hours.

 

Wow, this really gets you thinking about where you've been ...

Never used a tobacco product
Made up for it with alcohol use
Returned from honeymoon to find all wedding gifts stolen
A month later returned home on Christmas Eve to find Christmas gifts stolen (we moved)
Had four jobs at one time
Traveled to Bahamas, Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Hawaii, Hollywood, New York, and Vegas
Was offered a $5 blowjob in Tijuana just after the hooker wouldn't service my friend for less than $20 (I declined BTW)
Vomited out of cab window on Bourbon Street
Lost a job that was sent offshore
Was laid off from a job four days after buying a car
Benched 3 plates
Took my father to Wrigley Field
Saw an Alabama/Auburn football game (intense)
visited 24 states plus Mexico and Canada
Have child with severe autism

 

Have to add that I've also seen whooping cranes on three different occasions:
first time three birds; second time, one bird; third time, four birds (two adult, two juvenile).

 

Crap, forgot one:

Had picture taken with then-former First Lady Hillary Clinton at a private fundraiser for her campaign for Senate. She is much more attractive in person than the TV cameras would suggest.

 

21 states plus DC (had no idea it was even that many)
Visited Alaska, where I met Jim Boeheim.

Backpacked in Thailand.
Saw a king cobra and went spelunking on a trip that wouldn't have passed any kind of U.S. safety standards.
Watched a card of 10 fights at the Muay Thai Kickboxing stadium in Bangkok. Wanted to bet, but couldn't figure out their damn hand signals.
Drank and ate dinner with three Thai hookers, who we didn't realize were working girls until they asked us to pay for sex. We declined. They wasted six hours of their time.

Got drunk in the JFK library.
Took a leak next to Andy Rooney while drunk in the JFK library.

Skipped first day of class, drove to NYC, played frisbee in Central Park, saw Letterman, then hopped the subway to Yankee Stadium. Scalped tickets three rows from the field in left and saw David Wells nearly throw his second perfect game of the season.

Visited six baseball stadiums in eight days (plus stopped in Ann Arbor and South Bend) on a road trip with my best friend in my Mustang convertible.

Have seen 22 of the 30 MLB teams.

Shared my first legal beer with my dad on Father's Day at Yankee Stadium two rows behind home plate. We scalped the tix in the parking lot for a total of $55.

Managed to remain close friends with the two girls who have broken my heart.

Lived in my car for a week. Read a lot.

Broke through the middle of the line, caught a punt off the foot of a kicker and ran it back for a touchdown.

Drank for nearly 20 straight hours on St. Patty's Day and survived.

Stayed awake for 103 of 107 hours during finals week the last semester of my senior year. I don't miss college.

Rallied to win a game of survivor flip cup after my team lost the first five rounds and I was the only player remaining.

Felt boobies a few times. It never gets old.

Threw a paper airplane off the roof of a high-rise hotel in NYC. That fucker floated FAR.

Was at a rained-out game in Yankee Stadium on Sept. 10, 2001 and returned home just hours before the first plane hit.

My first pro football game was the Patriots-Colts playoff game in the snow at Gillette Stadium with my cousin.

Saw 'Return of the Jedi' in the theater as a 3-year-old and remember it.

 

Places visited in just the last year and a half:
America Division:
Chicago (went to a game at Wrigley)
NYC, 4 times, went to a game at Yankee Stadium
Boston
South Florida twice
Niagara Falls
Cooperstown
Newport, RI
Cape Cod

Europe:
London (lived there and did all the cool stuff there including getting to a premiership game)
Stonehenge
Stratford
Oxford
Bath
Dublin (drank many a Guinness there, including one night with Irish musicians)
Paris
French Riviera (my favorite place in the world, gambled in the Monte Carlo casino)
Krakow (got into 2 separate VIP rooms at the clubs there which are top notch)
Auschwitz (walking around the camp broke my heart in a way no women ever could)
Prague
Athens (standing on top of the Acropolis is one of the best views in the world)
Venice
Rome
Seville (best looking women in Europe are Spanish)

2 months from now I'm going to Toronto for a weekend and a CFL game and back to NYC for another weekend. Next spring I hope to make it to Nassau, Bahamas for the second time and at the end of next summer hopefully I'll be in Beijing for the Olympics. Traveling is now firmly entrenched in my spirit, the more places I see the more I want to travel the rest of my life.