You've Solved 21's Problem - Now I Could Use Your Help with Mine - UPDATED !!!

Re: You've Solved 21's Problem - Now I Could Use Your Help with Mine

Luggie,

She'll be fine no matter where she goes, thanks to you. And it wouldn't hurt to remind her that she has the right to change her mind -- if she's happy at State, great, and if she finds she doesn't like it, she can always transfer. But the choice has to be hers.

I led tours of campus while I was in college. The parents inevitably wanted to see the computer science or engineering facilities. The potential students wanted to see the rec center. (If your niece has particular interests and, well, you just happen to ask your "Michigan" guide about clubs or classes that cater to those interests, good on you

 

Re: You've Solved 21's Problem - Now I Could Use Your Help with Mine

She can always transfer after her freshman year if she decides she made a mistake.

And while the cost of a public education has risen tremendously in the past 10 years, the difference between a full academic ride and an 80 percent ride should be about $1500 K out of pocket. Not that much, really.

Luggy, I have no idea what state you live in. I'm thinking Midwest someplace. But certainly North Carolina and North Carolina State would fit your general description, as would IU and Indiana State.

Knowing the particuclar schools would be a big help to further the pros/cons conversation, but I can understand if you don't want to out yourself.

 

Re: You've Solved 21's Problem - Now I Could Use Your Help with Mine

As has been noted on here, there is a big disconnect between where you THINK you should go and where you should go. Part of the problem is isn't so hard to tell in advance - before you get into classes, move into the dorm, taste the cafeteria food.

The big buzzword with college admissions these days is "fit". Do you want a big school with lecture classes or a small one with seminars? Do you want hands-on experience or very academic learning? Do you want to live in a active dorm life or a mellower off-campus place? Do you want to live far away from the hometown or closer to family and friends?

None of these choices are wrong, it just depends on the person. Some people think they want one and end up realizing they need the other.

I'm not saying Michigan State is the place for your niece (and the financial aid is a big thing - help her to understand that. Do the math with her.), but that doesn't mean Michigan is. She may have a better idea of what her "fit" is than you do.

That said, to tap into a bit of teenage girl psyche, if she was so put off by the "snobbish" behavior at her school, the reason she might be looking at Michigan State is because of her best friend. Not so much for the friendship, but perhaps she feels guilty about getting into Michigan when her friend did not. Maybe she feels like she's be abandoning a promise to always stick together, or something along those lines.

She may also feel like she's not "good enough" to go to Michigan, if she was convinced her test scores weren't high enough in the first place. And if her mother's kind of tuned out to the process, she may not be getting the affirmation she needs to be confident in herself. I know you and Mr. Lugs have provided that for her, but sometimes the source does matter.

 

Re: You've Solved 21's Problem - Now I Could Use Your Help with Mine

College should ultimately be the kid's choice. They know where they will be comfortable, they know what they seek. And sometimes, having the overall college experience is better than simply choosing the better school academically. As in, let's say you have one school that has a good reputation for journalism, the campus and town bus system is excellent, the athletic program will provide national-caliber teams to root for and cover as a student reporter, and the town is recognized as one of the great college towns. Another school has a spectacular and worldwide reputation for journalism, but the bus system is nonexistent, the athletic program hangs banners for NCAA appearances, but the town is of similar caliber as far as college towns go.

In this case, there are many factors which can help determine where you end up, beyond the caliber of school academically.

And I don't think "Michigan" and "Michigan State" are far enough apart to fret over it. Now, if one were "Harvard" and the other were "Cal State (fill in the blank)," then it's time to step in with some hard advice.

 

Re: You've Solved 21's Problem - Now I Could Use Your Help with Mine

Whoa whoa whoa there.....I was with the 'her decision' crowd until I got to the 80% thing.

Is she paying? Her mother is a single parent...does she have a say in the finances?

When I got into 'Northwestern' and 'Illinois' my dad said, "Of course you can go to 'Northwestern' if you want to pay the difference." Not having an extra $80k in my bank account to cover the 4 year difference, I went to 'Illinois', very bitter about it, but understood: my dad could not afford to send me to 'Northwestern.' (I transferred elsewhere later, but by then I appreciated the ridiculous cost of education, and got loans.)

But this is her mom's job...not yours. You've done everything you can, she knows that. Whatever she decides, buy her one last handbag, and tell her she's on her own.

 

Re: You've Solved 21's Problem - Now I Could Use Your Help with Mine

And just trust she won't go to hell in a handbag either way.

 

Re: You've Solved 21's Problem - Now I Could Use Your Help with Mine

Yeah, but after all that, you turned into ... Nobody Important.

 

Re: You've Solved 21's Problem - Now I Could Use Your Help with Mine

I made the mistake of posting before I read the financial aid part too. If the higher-caliber school has better financial aid . . .it's a no-brainer.

 

Re: You've Solved 21's Problem - Now I Could Use Your Help with Mine

I graduated from a smaller state school, and I loved almost every minute of it (photo class nearly killed me, but I digress). Does she have friends at either school? If so, try to arrange for her to spend a night or weekend at both universities. That way she gets a feel for what it would really be like to go there. It's one thing to get the school-run tour, it's another thing to actually get to stay there a couple days.

 

Re: You've Solved 21's Problem - Now I Could Use Your Help with Mine

Yeah, whichever friend gets her more drunk, persuade her to go to the other school.

 

Re: You've Solved 21's Problem - Now I Could Use Your Help with Mine

Exactly.

 

Re: You've Solved 21's Problem - Now I Could Use Your Help with Mine

Guess I've got that Safety School inferiority complex.