A southern sheriff's jail, part 1 of 2

[Moderator1]

My niece's husband got a massive break with his first DUI. He wasn't as lucky when he got picked up again about a month after sentencing, drunk and with a fresh case in his car. Wasn't supposed to drive if it wasn't to work but he needed more beer so he headed out to get some.

He put a lot of people at risk. And HE got weekends in jail.

Thankfully, he seems to have cleaned his stuff up since then.

 

[maumann]

Excellent writing. Thanks for telling your stories. A few questions:

When you were being sentenced, did your lawyer try to get it to where you could serve your sentence on weekends? Seems doable with a short amount of time and it could have given you some mental breaks.

Any gang issues or fights, or suspected sexual assaults?

1. Yes. We discussed it but my lawyer strongly suggested getting it done in one fell swoop for a few reasons. One, the anxiety level -- and the time spent in holding cells -- from constantly having to readjust to jail over an 18-week span was probably going to be more stressful on me, and I'd be placed in different cells or blocks every weekend, depending on vacancies. Two, there was the possibility the sheriff would then require me to serve the entire 60 days instead of 60 percent for good behavior. Three, it allowed me to get the rest of the terms (community service, fines, probation) started more quickly, even if the end date doesn't change. The fewer probation officer visits, the better.

I've wondered about the other option, since Gwen was struggling with work, one very sick rabbit, the bills and various other issues of having to run things by herself. But prolonging the agony might have left me even more messed up for a longer period of time.

2. HA! There were 2 1/2 crazy conflicts that I hope to touch on in Part 2, and one weird sexual behavior that indirectly led to the women's block being locked down for an entire day. So many stories, a 1,000 word post limit.

And I apologize for wasting all of your time with these long, involved descriptions. I'll try to wrap up Part 2 this morning and an epilogue.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

1. Yes. We discussed it but my lawyer strongly suggested getting it done in one fell swoop for a few reasons. One, the anxiety level -- and the time spent in holding cells -- from constantly having to readjust to jail over an 18-week span was probably going to be more stressful on me, and I'd be placed in different cells or blocks every weekend, depending on vacancies. Two, there was the possibility the sheriff would then require me to serve the entire 60 days instead of 60 percent for good behavior. Three, it allowed me to get the rest of the terms (community service, fines, probation) started more quickly, even if the end date doesn't change. The fewer probation officer visits, the better.

I've wondered about the other option, since Gwen was struggling with work, one very sick rabbit, the bills and various other issues of having to run things by herself. But prolonging the agony might have left me even more messed up for a longer period of time.

2. HA! There were 2 1/2 crazy conflicts that I hope to touch on in Part 2, and one weird sexual behavior that indirectly led to the women's block being locked down for an entire day. So many stories, a 1,000 word post limit.

And I apologize for wasting all of your time with these long, involved descriptions. I'll try to wrap up Part 2 this morning and an epilogue.

Waste time? Your descriptions are excellent (obviously, your experience wasn't), and give all of us here a unique look into the criminal justice system. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Slacker]

If we still had Posts of the Year around here, these jailhouse chronicles would easily win.

SmallPotatoes can play Maumann in the Netflix series.

 

[maumann]

The Vin Scully monologue and the Thanksgiving Giblets are the gold standard. I'm a pale imitation, like Michelob Light.

 

[Moderator1]

The Vin Scully monologue and the Thanksgiving Giblets are the gold standard. I'm a pale imitation, like Michelob Light.

But we get more cred for knowing you, so that vaults you to the head of the class

 

[Key]

Prison Spades is how I was taught to play - although we didn't call it that. No nil, team must bid minimum 4 books. You can bid 10 for 2 (double points on the line win or lose).
We played Ace high when it came to spades, although I was eventually introduced to bastardizations that included High Joker and Low Joker, and inexplicably put the two of spades as the third highest trump card.

 

[maumann]

Prison Spades is how I was taught to play - although we didn't call it that. No nil, team must bid minimum 4 books. You can bid 10 for 2 (double points on the line win or lose).
We played Ace high when it came to spades, although I was eventually introduced to bastardizations that included High Joker and Low Joker, and inexplicably put the two of spades as the third highest trump card.

That's awesome!

I saw Euchre for the first time last winter. I'm going to ask to play when we're back in Florida again.

 

[Moderator1]

Related but unrelated, American Prison is high on my reading list though I think your book would be better.

 

[Cosmo]

I spent one 24-hour stint in jail in Coconino County, AZ in 2000 when I was convicted of a DUI. Your description of the challenges of sleeping are dead on. I tried staying up all night before I had to check in at 6 a.m., hoping that I would be able to just sleep much of the day away. Wrong. A 1/2-inch foam mattress on a steel bunk with a flat pillow. Lights that never went off. Constant noise. It was miserable. My back hurt like heck from trying to sleep on that contraption. I understand jail isn't supposed to be a hotel, nor is it supposed to be pleasant. But it was borderline torture. I did get to experience the Monday night joy (for the longtimers) that was Commissary Night, where they made some sort of Frito Pie like thing out of Ramen and Cheetos.

 

[Justin_Rice]

Prison Spades is how I was taught to play - although we didn't call it that. No nil, team must bid minimum 4 books. You can bid 10 for 2 (double points on the line win or lose).
We played Ace high when it came to spades, although I was eventually introduced to bastardizations that included High Joker and Low Joker, and inexplicably put the two of spades as the third highest trump card.

The silliness of the "2 is higher!" Rule always make me laugh.

People realize any arbitrary ordering of the cards is just as valid as any other ordering, right?

 

[maumann]

I spent one 24-hour stint in jail in Coconino County, AZ in 2000 when I was convicted of a DUI. Your description of the challenges of sleeping are dead on. I tried staying up all night before I had to check in at 6 a.m., hoping that I would be able to just sleep much of the day away. Wrong. A 1/2-inch foam mattress on a steel bunk with a flat pillow. Lights that never went off. Constant noise. It was miserable. My back hurt like heck from trying to sleep on that contraption. I understand jail isn't supposed to be a hotel, nor is it supposed to be pleasant. But it was borderline torture. I did get to experience the Monday night joy (for the longtimers) that was Commissary Night, where they made some sort of Frito Pie like thing out of Ramen and Cheetos.

My back, head and stomach were in agony the entire six weeks. Jail is not comfortable.

There's not a single seat/chair in there with a backrest, even the toilet (where I did most of my reading, because the light was best and you could at least lean against the wall). My commissary purchases were always the maximum allowed amounts of Tylenol, Advil and Tums.

Yeah, heard about Frito Pie.