Feedback appreciated on my first game story

[Batman]

The style deficiencies don't bother me so much — those will be learned. Seriously, the best way to improve is to read voraciously other sports writings, learn the patterns that are common and apply it to your own work.

Agreed on most of them, but the score thing is really bad. Nobody writes or even talks that way, on any platform, when giving the score.

 

[jlee]

I disagree with @Chef2 wholeheartedly. But it is a good chance for a new writer to take some heat and see what happens.

It certainly isn't the worst insult any journalist will hear over their career. You won't know when your criticism is coming from Dan Wetzel or a guy who live-blogged the self-amputation of his toe, so it's best to take in what helps you learn and ignore the rest. You need to learn that to be happy, much less successful, in this business.

Here's hoping @Arion Armeniakos is back with his next gamer or an edited version of the one he posted.

 

[Arion Armeniakos]

I appreciate all the feed back. As I said this was my first game story, I've never done one before so it was always going to be ugly and far from perfect. The fact that I only had a couple of hours to finish it also didn't help, but no excuses it's a learning curve. I saw a lot of good, constructive tips and advice in the replies and I will most definitely refer to them in the future!

 

[Dog8Cats]

I didn't read that far into the story, but this thought struck me:

If you were reading the story, and you didn't have any close tie to the event or its participants, what would you want to read about? The first-quarter play-by-play?

TELL A STORY, using the event and its participants as the actors in that story.