How to get out?

[buckweaver]

Ask your wife.

No, seriously.

Talk to her -- alone, on terms comfortable to both of you. Seek her support. Seek her input. Seek her advice. Explain your feelings to her just like you explained it to us here (maybe without the "marriage on the rocks" part ), but *show* her that you want to make changes to become more involved in your family -- more involved in your role as husband and your role as father. And admit to her that while you aren't yet sure how you're going to accomplish that professionally, that you are committed to doing so personally. *Show her that.*

If she's with you on this, that will ease A LOT of your concerns. And your dealings with other companies and contacts outside journalism will be a lot more comfortable for you, because you know you've got the support at home to pursue an unknown path. A terribly frightening path, by all accounts.

But don't leave her in the dark about this. You can't "save a marriage" if you're the only one that's plugging the hole in the boat. Get her involved, too. She'll appreciate that more than you know.

You can't do this by yourself. You need her by your side to make this work. You can't do anything else before you get her support.

So ask her for it. If you can do *that*, you won't have any problems asking anybody else for anything.

 

[Tom Petty]

god bless ya buck. quite possibly the best post i've ever read on SportsJournalists.com.

 

[Flip Wilson]

If you're in the same city as a Big 12 school, which is what I surmised from your first post, talk to the SID at the school you cover to see if he/she has any openings, or if he/she knows of any jobs available in the campus PR office. Check www.prsa.org to find a chapter near you. That Web site has PR jobs around the country listed, and many local PRSA chapters have their own Web sites with job listings.

Are there any community colleges in your area? I've worked at a local juco twice, and it was a great place to work.

Good luck...

 

[ballscribe]

You mentioned you already do a lot of freelance work.
That's more time away from the family, beyond your regular job.
Can't you just straight out cut that?

 

[leo1]

also make sure you know what you're getting into if you leave the business. i left the business for law school. now that i'm less than a year from starting a career as a lawyer, it's evident that the hours aren't much better for the majority of lawyers. sure, few lawyers are stuck in the office on friday and saturday nights but the rich and successful lawyers are working well over 60 hours a week. they're working closer to 70-80 hours or more in many cases. this is the same deal for many corporate jobs, although there are plenty of corporate gigs (and lawyer jobs) where people work 40-50 hours a week. but an awful lot of middle class office drones take work home with them at nights and on weekends. so just make sure you know what you're doing before you take a plunge.

 

[Ace]

10,

Is it possible that you are part of the problem? Can't let go of the reins? Can't say no? Can't give up the perks?

I would cut out all the freelance.

I would go to my boss and say that you need to scale back so that you are available at home. If that means giving someone else more responsibility, moving to news, whatever, you should be willing, especially if your wife is the bigger breadwinner.

If that fails, maybe look for something at on of the metros -- even copy editor or clerk if that works with your hours.

Good luck.

 

[ink-stained wretch]

10, by now youy should have read buck's note.

Do it RIGHT-THE-FRIG-NOW!

I know where of I speak. Do not be another sad statistic. The job is not worth it. Because, at the end of the day, you are not your job.

 

[Idaho]

Delegate you desk work and/or a beat. Work some day hours to get things set up, then go home at 5 p.m. a couple of times per week. Four nights home with the family is a ton better than two.

Or ask the big boss if you can give up the SE duties. If the money is not critical, the freedom that comes from giving up that role is great and will make a huge difference. I know this because I've been exactly where you are.

 

[publicenemy]

truly great posts from clutch and from buck. clutch deals with the practical (and spiritual) side of what you will be dealing with. buck with the emotional side. kudos to everyone on this thread for taking someone's heartfelt problem and working to put out good advice.

there's a great book out called "how to turn an interview into a job". it contains some of the same things clutch is preaching, along the lines of doing research and getting to the people who hire instead of just talking to HR folks. it's written by jeffrey allen and available on amazon.

you HAVE to get your wife involved. sounds like if you were a single guy, none of this would be an issue, so you're talking about giving up things to make your family life better. she WILL appreciate that. explore all your options with her. is the free-lance money worth the time spent? are there other shortcuts you all can make that will help the situation?

but know this too: it sounds like you really enjoy your profession. changing careers for family is a great and noble thing. but it's something you have to commit to in your head and heart. this isn't something you can hold on to as a later bargaining or argument chip. "hey, i changed my career for YOU!" if you get out of the business, you do it because it's the right decision for you. you can't look back in 3 years and get bitter if new careers don't pan out as well. if it's the right choice, it's the right choice, regardless of the outcome.

 

[three_bags_full]

Taterdigger is right on. If you can't -- or don't -- delegate some of your responsibilities, you're not an effective leader.

 

[Editude]

I've been there and have had to fight the genetic disposition to figure it out myself without Mrs. Editude's input. Now we talk about this a lot and are much more in sync with how we hope to proceed. And talking to the extended family makes sense in this case, with older relatives in the area. Maybe they want to leave but are staying out of some guilt because you're entrenched there.

 

[sartrean]

I worked for almost two years in PR and I didn't like it any better. The paychecks were great, but the work environment sucked.

I went from a 70-80 hour a week, one-man sports dept. at a twice weekly to a PR firm that required only 40 hours a week with the occasional dinner with client at some fancy restaurant.

While I liked my co-workers, my boss was phoney and I couldn't believe a word he said. He reminded me of the boss from Office Space.

I quickly found out PR fuckers have no regard for facts, but twist facts to make their company or client look good. It's called "finessing the truth." I really had no stomach for this. I always thought some enterprising reporter would figure out we're full of shit, bust us on it and make all our clients look bad. Once I voiced these concerns and I was reprimanded later for being "negative." Always had to think positive, my boss said. If you think negative, bad things happen, he said.

I couldn't wrap my head around that kind of logic. I went to my alma mater, playing No. 1 ranked USC one week and I thought all along we'd pull out a close, pull out a close one and we got our butts handed to us.

Also, I was bored out of my mind in PR. I'd get like 15 minutes of actual work to do each day, as would most of my peers in my department, and usually everyone would bitch about how much they had to do. There was also strategy sessions and meetings to talk about upcoming meetings and there was a lot of talk about fucking the media, and using the media to advance our ends (for free).

My experience in PR showed me a morally bankrupt business. Sure, not all PR firms are like that, but most of the people I met through the local association were all phoney liars that'd sell their mothers down the river if they had the chance.

I'd suggest SID at a university or pro franchise, even minors, but I think those guys are suspicious of former newspaper people.

I've figured out that I have two career options in my life:
1. do menial labor in print media, or
2. do menial labor in the service sector.

Maybe one day I'll go to grad school, become a professor and teach all of my freshmen to not ever be a writer.