Coolest story/member in your family tree

[beanpole]

I'm a direct descendant of Charlamagne (the Roman emperor, not the idiot rapper), from my mother's side of the family. Not that it's done anything for me.

 

[Big Circus]

I'm a direct descendant of Charlamagne (the Roman emperor, not the idiot rapper), from my mother's side of the family. Not that it's done anything for me.

Beanpole, me and you are kin! I'll be hitting you up for money shortly.

 

[outofplace]

Justin Strzelczyk was a second cousin. Met him for the first time at one of my uncle's funerals just after the Steelers drafted him. No one in the family thought he had a snowball's chance in heck of making the team.

And somewhere along the line, one of my ancestors killed enough Turks/Muslims/Germans/who the heck knows that the Vatican bestowed a family crest to us.

I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, but did anybody in the family realize how messed up Strzelczyk was before he got himself killed?

 

[Seahawk]

My stepmother has bloodlines to Roger Bresnahan, the baseball Hall of Famer who introduced shin guards for catchers.

 

[young-gun11]

All of my family on my Dad's side is from NC. One of them was Kay Yow.

 

[HandsomeHarley]

Traced my main line a few years ago, with the help of a database on the internet.

From that line, we have a several-time former NFL All-Pro with the same surname.

Also in the family, though, are Truman Capote and Phyllis Diller.

Just a week or so ago, was digging through my maternal grandmother's line, and her mother was a Franklin.

Curiosity got the best of me, so I dug and dug, until finding out that my G-G-G-G-G-G-G-Great Grandparents are the grandparents of good-old G-G-G-G-G-G-Great Uncle Ben.

 

[young-gun11]

My grandfather sold fishing tackle for a living. At a fishing show in Nashville with B.A.S.S. legend Tom Mann, he met Porter Wagoner at the height of his career. Porter left them with the farewell, "Y'all Come", the name of his single at the time. They took it literally and went to the Grand Ole Opry building and proclaimed Porter told them to come see him. Sparked a friendship which lasted until Porter's death.

My grandfather was also the person who gave NASCAR driver Davey Allison his first fishing rod. Was supposed to be in the chopper with Allison and Red Farmer the day Davey died. He was very good friends with the entire Alabama Gang, mostly Farmer. I used to play in Davey's shop with his daughter Krista when we were kids. She is a year or so younger than I am. Crazy.

Through my grandfather, I've met many really awesome people. Bill Dance, a number of NASCAR drivers, an even bigger number of country music stars all included. A very cool guy to grow up with.

 

[Ronnie "Z-Man" Barzell]

Bubbler and I are distantly related to the Buschs of Anheuser-Busch fame.

Also, supposedly our great great great grandpa fled Ireland as a fugitive. According to the legend, he refused to doft his hat to his English landlord, ended up getting whipped for the insult, and got blamed when the landlord's house burnt to the ground the next night... Rather than sticking around and getting hanged, he stowed away on the next boat out of port, which ironically landed in Liverpool. He was able to evade the authorities by anglicizing his last name and eventually stowed away on another boat headed for the states.

 

[cyclingwriter]

Justin Strzelczyk was a second cousin. Met him for the first time at one of my uncle's funerals just after the Steelers drafted him. No one in the family thought he had a snowball's chance in heck of making the team.

And somewhere along the line, one of my ancestors killed enough Turks/Muslims/Germans/who the heck knows that the Vatican bestowed a family crest to us.

I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, but did anybody in the family realize how messed up Strzelczyk was before he got himself killed?

He had pretty much dropped all communication with us around 94 or 95. Nothing bad, but that was when the last of our common relatives died.

Like I said, I didn't meet him until the early 1990s.

 

[Bubbler]

Bubbler and I are distantly related to the Buschs of Anheuser-Busch fame.

Also, supposedly our great great great grandpa fled Ireland as a fugitive. According to the legend, he refused to doft his hat to his English landlord, ended up getting whipped for the insult, and got blamed when the landlord's house burnt to the ground the next night... Rather than sticking around and getting hanged, he stowed away on the next boat out of port, which ironically landed in Liverpool. He was able to evade the authorities by anglicizing his last name and eventually stowed away on another boat headed for the states.

You know ... I didn't even know that story. fork that guy.

That's a much better story than the impression I had. I thought that our Irish relatives were trying to escape a Druid curse. Though modest of means, they got fed up and went to America as they kept getting chased around County Cork and County Kilkenny by this guy ...

And dude ... how you could forget Hugh Hefner?

We're the fifth or sixth cousin of Hugh. My dad's grandfather's side of the family is from Chicago and there were always a lot of Hefner's at our family reunions.

Here's a photo of one of our reunions back in the day. He brought Jerry Lewis and Sammy Davis Jr. with him on this occasion ...

Oops. That's a picture of Z-Man. Reunion got a little crazy there at the end. Heads cut off, Nazis, you know the drill.

Here's the picture I was looking for.

That's me with the mustache behind Jerry. I'm not going to say that my Brut 33 cologne and bullshirtting that I was in Coffee, Tea Or Me? helped me get in that girl's pants, but Brut 33 cologne and bullshirtting that I was in Coffee, Tea Or Me? is a great aphrodisiac.

Seriously, though, Hugh never brought his benches to the reunions, which is bullshirt. Hugh never brought Hugh to the reunions.

And Z-Man and I couldn't get in the mansion without copious amounts of cocaine ... that we would be selling before they kicked our dead asses out.

 

[Key]

I just googled the guy I thought would be the coolest direct ancestor. Turns out he's the great-great grandfather of Franklin Pierce.

Move over Zachary Taylor, looks like I have a new favorite president.

 

[Corky Ramirez up on 94th St.]

If you read the family secrets thread, you saw the story about my grandfather punching out a mobster, relocating and meeting my grandmother. That's my favorite story.

My cousin was a member of the 1950s group "The Fireflys." He played the guitar and the group had a top-40 hit with "You Were Mine" around 1959. My Italian last name is very uncommon — like, nine people have it in this country and we're all related — and it's kind of cool to see that name listed on the 45 as one of the songwriters.