employee memo

[spaceman]

send the memo to OSHA.

 

[PEteacher]

My take: If you're sick, call in sick, don't show up and don't bring in a doctor's note. That's so high school, it's ridiculous. What are they going to do -- fire you? Trust me -- they won't. They don't want to go through the job search over someone not bringing in a doctor's note. In college, when a professor set a policy so outrageous, I'd flat out not acknowledge it. It should be the same in the "pros."

It's just like if a paper sets a dress code policy of pants and a collared shirt when it's 90 degrees out. I'm still going to go out there with shorts and a T-shirt.

 

[HejiraHenry]

My parents worked for The Gummint and their sick days piled up in such a fashion that, when they were ready to retire, they first burned all of them off at full pay.

I forget, but one or the other of them had like 200 sick days piled up ...

 

[Starman]

send the memo to OSHA.

Which is run by Shrubby Bush, the Patron Saint of the Right to Workers. :

 

[f8andbethere]

At my shop we get 5 sick days a year, and if we don't use any, we get (1) extra personal day the following year (to add to the 1 personal day we are all blessed to start with.)
I don't think I used a sick day the first year, but I don't have any complaints about calling in sick once every couple months when I was sucking the hooka too much the night before.

 

[Daily Planet]

My corporate gives employees 40 hours paid vacation, which much be "earned" every six months.

In other words, if you use the "unearned" vacation and quit before you "earn" it, they take it out of the final check.

We get five paid sick days. If you don't use them by end of the fiscal year, you lose them.

There are no personal days, so most people just call it a sick day and nobody asks questions.

But, like someone else said, fork it. Use them or lose them because you know full well that most of us would be forked into unpaid overtime if they could get away with it.

 

[Precious Roy]

To: Disembodied Voice of Authority
From: a worker

Dear Sir:

In response to the new policies outlined above, I must ask that you please nuzzle my perineum.  In case you've forgotten your freshman-year-of-college human anatomy, the perineum is the soft, fuzzy area between my nutsack and my Curt Schilling (anus).  I would request that you nuzzle this area, not out of any sense of obligation or duty, but instead, with a sincere affection and gentleness approaching reverence.  I can assure you that my personal hygiene practices are de rigeur and that said area is as clean as any perineum can be expected to be, given, of course, the slightly sweaty conditions caused by the summer weather.  I exhort you to breathe in the musky aroma and let it permeate your palate as if you were a connoisseur of the finest brandy.  You may administer little kisses if you are so inspired, but don't be presumptuous or try anything forward.  Your mission is essentially one of nuzzling.  Nuzzle away, snoogums.  If you wish to be exempted from said nuzzling duties, I'll need a written notice from your physician, mental health care provider, dentist, art therapist, interior decorator, golf buddies, spouse, lover(s), auto maintenance technician and mommy to such effect.  All written notices must be notarized, sanitized, digitized, translated into Farsi and Old Church Slavonic, gilded, cuddled and signed by Marlon Brando; Tipper Gore; Bobby, Dennis and Brett Hull; the Pope; the Phillie Phanatic; Phillip Roth; Erica Jong; the Surgeon General of the United States and Kinky Friedman.  I anticipate said nuzzling at your earliest possible convenience.

love,
a loyal worker

What, no burying the notice in soft peat for three months and then using it as firelight?

Just kidding
Good stuff

 

[dixiehack]

Just get Uma to fax you a note. I'm sure the spud family could use some extra cash.

 

[Stupid]

I'd just do with that policy as I do with most with which I disagree — ignore it.

 

[kingcreole]

What the fork man? It's nobody's business as to why you want a personal day off, hence the term "personal day." I was once told it's used so you can interview for another job. That be a great excuse for taking a personal day.

"I'd like a personal day off."
"Why?"
"To look for another forking job."

And I'd love to hand the clown who OK'd this Bill Lumbergh-like policy a sick note from a doctor, while coughing on him and maybe even puking in his office.

 

[Kato]

At one time we were told here that, due to the HIPPA privacy laws, it's nobody's business what sort of illness anyone has and we're really not supposed to discuss each other's ailments in the office. As a result, we're just supposed to tell the bosses that we're sick and unable to come in. I think there are some rules about taking sick days around holidays, but that's about it.

 

[HejiraHenry]

"I'd like a personal day off."
"Why?"
"To look for another forking job."

If they ever do "Office Space II," this needs to be in the script.