three_bags_full
Well-Known Member
This is long, but hang in there, if for nothing more than to chuckle at my misery.
You may think it's silly to come here to ask for help on this, but I need help talking through an incredibly important decision I'm really struggling with – I am struggling to decide where to retire.
Here's the background.
My last day in the Army will be August 31, 2026. I will be 48, and Mrs. t_b_f, 46. My oldest daughter will be heading off to college, and my youngest will be heading into his junior year.
I want a clean break from the Army, rather than take an Army civilian or contracting job. I recognize I'll need a somewhat serious job to help get the kids through college. I anticipate they will both receive some amount of merit scholarships (or JUCO first), and understand I will likely not be able to fund their entire education. My wife also works.
Given that I do not want a government job, the cost of living in Northern Virginia probably means we won't stay here. Even if a post-retirement job helped exceed my current income, I feel like we'd mostly just be working to pay for an expensive house in a place we don't necessarily want to be in. But it is definitely great here.
The opportunity has presented itself to buy the home I grew up in and the accompanying 10 acres. My father is getting too old to appropriately take care of the place. They have bought a small lot on a nearby river and want to build a smaller house. They currently keep their camper on it, and spend the weekends and holidays there. It's in Bumfork-Middle-of-Nowhere, Alabama. The house is fine, if just a bit small. It was built in the 80s.
The thought process is that we buy their house – for which they're asking a ridiculously low price – next summer and let them live there while the build. About six months before I retire, they move out, we add a bathroom and some closet space, and move in.
Sounds nice and clean, doesn't it? That's not the part I'm struggling with. We're struggling with the decision of whether we should do it AT ALL 0r go somewhere else.
1.) Cost of living is dirt cheap. We could probably live there and not work again, except to keep busy. Like Forrest Gump, I'd cut that high school grash for free!
2.) It's home. It's close to family – her parents are nearby, and older and declining faster than mine, so being there for them would be awesome. My siblings are close, and my nieces and nephews are young enough that I could be involved in their life – you know, crazy-drunk-uncle who takes you hunting and shows up at your softball and football games.
3.) It's remote – rural Alabama in every way. The nearest small town is about 15 minutes away. A town of 40K is 30 minutes the other way and has everything you need. Montgomery is 45 minutes away, and Birmingham is an hour north (but those 'burbs can be reached in 45).
4.) It's Alabama – quality of life there is generally low, obviously. Healthcare is important, but I have pretty solid insurance.
5.) There's also a political component. In my career, we haven't always lived in what you'd call liberal bastions – Alabama, Kentucky, Kansas, Louisiana, and now NOVA. We have never minded rural, but we have always been just pashing through. It hasn't bothered us, but things like the abortion bans, rural hospitals closing, and this frozen embryo thing gives me pause when I consider my daughter might follow us. We kind-of figure she'll stay here and go to school in Virginia when we move away. But my son and whatever future wife he winds up with likely won't have that luxury. But that's also not a given.
6.) Education – I'm not trying to bury the lede here, but this one is weighing on me. My kids are in great schools. My daughter will finish here regardless, but my son will not. I feel incredibly guilty that I'm even considering taking him out of this environment and moving him to rural Alabama. He makes phenomenal grades, and I'm certain he'll do fine. And we're very involved in their education, which I believe can help mitigate some of that. Given where we've lived thus far, he's sort of a small-town kid. He's comfortable in that environment. But he doesn't understand the difference in where he is and where he'd be going.
At the end of the day, it comes down to this – I'm pretty much done with the Army, and I'm going to retire at basically my earliest opportunity. I have an opportunity to move back home and be financially secure in a not-so-great place, be around my family (mildly MAGA-types), and I'm concerned about my son's education.
My wife really has no opinion, and we sometimes struggle to have conversations about it. I believe some of that is because she's a bit scared of the thought of settling down after being transient for our entire 25-year marriage (lots of moves in the newspaper business early on, too).
Even I'm a bit wishy-washy on it. One day, I can't wait to do it. And the next day I call myself crazy for even thinking about it. It may seem like the easy button, and most of the time "easy" is good.
Help me talk through this, please … I'm losing my goddam mind over this.
You may think it's silly to come here to ask for help on this, but I need help talking through an incredibly important decision I'm really struggling with – I am struggling to decide where to retire.
Here's the background.
My last day in the Army will be August 31, 2026. I will be 48, and Mrs. t_b_f, 46. My oldest daughter will be heading off to college, and my youngest will be heading into his junior year.
I want a clean break from the Army, rather than take an Army civilian or contracting job. I recognize I'll need a somewhat serious job to help get the kids through college. I anticipate they will both receive some amount of merit scholarships (or JUCO first), and understand I will likely not be able to fund their entire education. My wife also works.
Given that I do not want a government job, the cost of living in Northern Virginia probably means we won't stay here. Even if a post-retirement job helped exceed my current income, I feel like we'd mostly just be working to pay for an expensive house in a place we don't necessarily want to be in. But it is definitely great here.
The opportunity has presented itself to buy the home I grew up in and the accompanying 10 acres. My father is getting too old to appropriately take care of the place. They have bought a small lot on a nearby river and want to build a smaller house. They currently keep their camper on it, and spend the weekends and holidays there. It's in Bumfork-Middle-of-Nowhere, Alabama. The house is fine, if just a bit small. It was built in the 80s.
The thought process is that we buy their house – for which they're asking a ridiculously low price – next summer and let them live there while the build. About six months before I retire, they move out, we add a bathroom and some closet space, and move in.
Sounds nice and clean, doesn't it? That's not the part I'm struggling with. We're struggling with the decision of whether we should do it AT ALL 0r go somewhere else.
1.) Cost of living is dirt cheap. We could probably live there and not work again, except to keep busy. Like Forrest Gump, I'd cut that high school grash for free!
2.) It's home. It's close to family – her parents are nearby, and older and declining faster than mine, so being there for them would be awesome. My siblings are close, and my nieces and nephews are young enough that I could be involved in their life – you know, crazy-drunk-uncle who takes you hunting and shows up at your softball and football games.
3.) It's remote – rural Alabama in every way. The nearest small town is about 15 minutes away. A town of 40K is 30 minutes the other way and has everything you need. Montgomery is 45 minutes away, and Birmingham is an hour north (but those 'burbs can be reached in 45).
4.) It's Alabama – quality of life there is generally low, obviously. Healthcare is important, but I have pretty solid insurance.
5.) There's also a political component. In my career, we haven't always lived in what you'd call liberal bastions – Alabama, Kentucky, Kansas, Louisiana, and now NOVA. We have never minded rural, but we have always been just pashing through. It hasn't bothered us, but things like the abortion bans, rural hospitals closing, and this frozen embryo thing gives me pause when I consider my daughter might follow us. We kind-of figure she'll stay here and go to school in Virginia when we move away. But my son and whatever future wife he winds up with likely won't have that luxury. But that's also not a given.
6.) Education – I'm not trying to bury the lede here, but this one is weighing on me. My kids are in great schools. My daughter will finish here regardless, but my son will not. I feel incredibly guilty that I'm even considering taking him out of this environment and moving him to rural Alabama. He makes phenomenal grades, and I'm certain he'll do fine. And we're very involved in their education, which I believe can help mitigate some of that. Given where we've lived thus far, he's sort of a small-town kid. He's comfortable in that environment. But he doesn't understand the difference in where he is and where he'd be going.
At the end of the day, it comes down to this – I'm pretty much done with the Army, and I'm going to retire at basically my earliest opportunity. I have an opportunity to move back home and be financially secure in a not-so-great place, be around my family (mildly MAGA-types), and I'm concerned about my son's education.
My wife really has no opinion, and we sometimes struggle to have conversations about it. I believe some of that is because she's a bit scared of the thought of settling down after being transient for our entire 25-year marriage (lots of moves in the newspaper business early on, too).
Even I'm a bit wishy-washy on it. One day, I can't wait to do it. And the next day I call myself crazy for even thinking about it. It may seem like the easy button, and most of the time "easy" is good.
Help me talk through this, please … I'm losing my goddam mind over this.
