HELP! I'm struggling with an important decision

[qtlaw]

I'm in my seventh decade now (yikes!!) and my advice is ….happiness is most important; that of you, your wife and your kids.

I understand financial security, and I've been blessed but IMHO that security doesn't mean squat if you or the others are unhappy.

I feel for your son. Moving at junior year is rough, your friends and life are all gone. He's got to start all over again. Some kids can do it, no doubt but that's tough , especially if he likes in in NOVA now.

Buy and move later is not a bad middle ground.

At 48, you're gonna still be quite young, IMHO still having some challenging work is going to be key to a long life and happiness.

Good luck!

 

[outofplace]

We've considered buying it and renting it while we stay here.

This seems like your best option, mostly for the sake of your son's education. Moving around a lot as a child gave me a good feel for adjusting to different schools. Moving now would present a significant social and academic challenge for your son as he enters his junior year, which has a significant impact on college admissions. The poor reputation of Alabama schools will not help him with admissions. Also, I wonder if those schools will provide as much support in his search. I also wonder about their ability to help prepare him for college.

I lived in Louisiana for three years in elementary school. When we moved back to Pittsburgh, I discovered how different the schools were because I was far behind my clashmates. I caught up, but it was a setback for me. That was a long time ago, but the gaps are still there.

 

[dixiehack]

Is there a particular reason you don't want anything to do with military consulting or civilian contracting? Because you'd be close enough to Maxwell AFB that some opportunities might be available there, ones that would pay a better salary than what you could command starting a new career as a middle aged transplant to rural Alabama.

Does the property itself hold sentimental value in the family, or is it just some dirt?

If the biggest draw is being close to family, I'd strongly look at holing up in either Alabaster to the north or Prattville to the south and then having a short drive. Those are going to be the strongest high schools nearby, although your son will likely find them far less challenging than anything in NoVa. My fear with the county schools in Alabama is they will be so far behind academically that he'll tune out altogether out of boredom.

You already know in your heart what the political situation will be like. You have to decide whether you can overcome that enough to make friends in the community, because otherwise it's going to feel like winter at the Overlook Hotel real quick. Your point of view will still be outnumbered in the suburbs, but you can start to find enough members of your tribe to where you don't feel completely isolated in the wider Red Sea.

 

[Driftwood]

Enough with the doomsday "what ifs" worrying about this and that. I get enough of it from my wife.
I am a simple man. There is no greater joy in my life or gift from god than a sunrise. Thankfully, I am an early riser, and I get to experience it every day. I get to start every day of my life with a smile on my face. If I get to see the sun come up, no matter what happens the rest of the day, it'll be OK one way or another.
Don't plan your life around the doomsday what ifs.
What if there's no doctors?
What if there's no Social Security?
What if the schools suck for my kids?
What if a dang hurricane comes?
Blah, blah, blah, blah blah.
Live your life with the positive in mind and what makes you happy. If something bad comes along, deal with it.
This ride ends the same for all of us. Make the most of it.

 

[Songbird]

Southern Vermont is where it's at; that is, if you can handle winters.

 

[BYH 2: Electric Boogaloo]

Enough with the doomsday "what ifs" worrying about this and that. I get enough of it from my wife.
I am a simple man. There is no greater joy in my life or gift from god than a sunrise. Thankfully, I am an early riser, and I get to experience it every day. I get to start every day of my life with a smile on my face. If I get to see the sun come up, no matter what happens the rest of the day, it'll be OK one way or another.
Don't plan your life around the doomsday what ifs.
What if there's no doctors?
What if there's no Social Security?
What if the schools suck for my kids?
What if a dang hurricane comes?
Blah, blah, blah, blah blah.
Live your life with the positive in mind and what makes you happy. If something bad comes along, deal with it.
This ride ends the same for all of us. Make the most of it.

I mean, these are pretty legitimate concerns. A hospital in a neighboring town closed when I was a teenager. Kids going to schools run by Moms for Liberty lunatics would be bad. People have been planning retirement based on Social Security and Medicare for generations. We're good friends with a married couple that lived in a hotel for months after Superstorm Sandy and never saw any federal funds (this is the husband's excuse for going full-blown Trumpy, but that's a tale for another time). You've got to plan for worst-case scenarios to some degree.

 

[Driftwood]

I mean, these are pretty legitimate concerns. A hospital in a neighboring town closed when I was a teenager. Kids going to schools run by Moms for Liberty lunatics would be bad. People have been planning retirement based on Social Security and Medicare for generations. We're good friends with a married couple that lived in a hotel for months after Superstorm Sandy and never saw any federal funds (this is the husband's excuse for going full-blown Trumpy, but that's a tale for another time). You've got to plan for worst-case scenarios to some degree.

I might get hit by a train, but I look both ways before crossing the tracks. I don't avoid crossing them.
You can't spend your life living in fear of the worst case scenario, or you never actually live it.
No place is 100% perfect, and there are no guarantees of anything except an eventual end.
If someone has based their retirement purely on Social Security, that's on them. At 78, my mom's monthly income exceeds her expenses. My uncle complains that he is struggling because he didn't prepare.
Ants and grashhoppers.
My retirement home and plans are dead in hurricane country. There isn't a hospital of any kind within 45 minutes. That's not going to stop me from moving there in fear of the worst.

 

[three_bags_full]

Southern Vermont is where it's at; that is, if you can handle winters.

I'm built for those winters from the neck, down. But not the neck, up.

 

[Brooklyn Bridge]

Just to throw this out there, but my wife's cousin and her family is in Hampton Roads, Virginia. She was Navy and her husband was in the Marines. They live in Chesapeake and work in Norfolk. He is a contractor, working in logistics. I know you said you didn't want contacting work, but there is a ton of work available. Rural living isn't too far away and the schools aren't bad (at least in Chesapeake, Norfolk City Schools, YMMV). Certainly cheaper than Northern Virginia, you're close to the beach, several national wildlife refuges, and of course, the military work if you do decide to go that option. I will say traffic is a bear and you should live close to where you work.

 

[BYH 2: Electric Boogaloo]

I might get hit by a train, but I look both ways before crossing the tracks. I don't avoid crossing them.
You can't spend your life living in fear of the worst case scenario, or you never actually live it.
No place is 100% perfect, and there are no guarantees of anything except an eventual end.
If someone has based their retirement purely on Social Security, that's on them. At 78, my mom's monthly income exceeds her expenses. My uncle complains that he is struggling because he didn't prepare.
Ants and grashhoppers.
My retirement home and plans are dead in hurricane country. There isn't a hospital of any kind within 45 minutes. That's not going to stop me from moving there in fear of the worst.

You're sort of talking ants and grashhoppers here. Looking to make sure there's not a train coming is one kind of risk. Banking on nothing bad happening when you're of retirement age, living in hurricane country and 45 minutes from a hospital is an entirely different kind of risk. I admire the positivity but that seems fraught with peril.

 

[Driftwood]

You're sort of talking ants and grashhoppers here. Looking to make sure there's not a train coming is one kind of risk. Banking on nothing bad happening when you're of retirement age, living in hurricane country and 45 minutes from a hospital is an entirely different kind of risk. I admire the positivity but that seems fraught with peril.

I don't bank on nothing bad happening. I actually ashume it will.
Both of my grandfathers randomly dropped dead at 62 and never got to retire. My dad retired at 62 and enjoyed 20 good years but spent the last 10 months of his life literally rotting away confined to a hospital bed. Bad ship happens.
It was a risk and fraught with peril when I rushed toward gunfire while others ran away or when I ran into fires to put them out or I cut my own leg with a chainsaw or I got electrically smoked because someone else told me he secured the 220 breaker.
I don't let the fear of tomorrow paralyze me today.

 

[dixiehack]

Would the move be happening right after retirement or is there some thought of wife and kids going ahead a few months early to settle in? Even Podunk High is unlikely to offer meaningful playing time to a kid who drifts into town over Labor Day.