Prep Coaching Situation: "Tough" Coaching or Verbal Abuse?

[exmediahack]

And, surprise, a final negative practice with lots of running and sprints the day before the tournament.

Son is so disheartened on a week that should be one of the great memories of his athletic years. We'll see how it plays out.

Thank you all for the reasoned responses.

 

[expendable]

I went through something similar with my daughter during volleyball season. It got so bad she had to leave the team, and I, who is as far from a meddling parent can be, was glad she did.

 

[bigpern23]

I agree with what's been said about the captains approaching coach first, etc.

From your end, it's probably a good time to explain that coach probably has a misguided sense of how to "motivate" players, he clearly doesn't understand the kids, and encourage him to shake it off and not take it personally. I'd encourage your son not to quit, no matter how much he might want to, and I don't say that lightly. If he loves the sport, he'll regret letting the coach run him off of it. Happened to me with football, and to this day, I wish I stuck it out another season.

We've all run into similar bosses, interview subjects, clients, customers, etc., as adults. It's imperative that he learn how to deal with them and/or the processes to have them removed if it gets to that point. This is a relatively low-stakes situation to do so.

EDIT: Obviously, it's his decision to quit or not, and let him know it's a valid course of action. Just make sure he understands he can't get back his senior season if he chooses to quit. The coach isn't going to suffer by him not being on the field. Your son might suffer if he realizes he made a mistake by missing his last season.

 

[Sam Mills 51]

Everything bigpern said. This coach has overstepped his boundaries by most sane standards.

But, barring some serious physical or verbal proof, not sure any AD or principal is going to step in. And I would be overjoyed for any kid's sake to be wrong.

 

[DanOregon]

That's bad coaching. You don't put negative thoughts into your players heads.

 

[qtlaw]

Clashic sign of coach thinking it's about him and not the kids. Man how do you forget ITS ABOUT THE KIDS NOT YOU!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU, you've had your life.

 

[exmediahack]

He has a thousand-yard stare when he comes home from practice now. It hurts to see. He worked four years to lead his team to the state tournament in goal... he accomplished it and now just wants the season to end.

This is a kid who survived an alcoholic mother for five years, scored top 2% on his college boards, 9 AP clashes and it's THIS coach that is doing him in.

What's bizarre is that the coach is an AP teacher who, from what I understand, is very respected in the clashroom. He's around sharp kids all day. The soccer team is full of sharp students.

Over the last 6 weeks, we've seen ("heard" is more like it) an increasingly negative vibe during games from him. He is the soccer version of the "master of panic". Always screaming. Rarely encouraging -- it does happen at times but less and less.

Here is the variable. This team can almost run itself because of the captains and the top players. They've played on state-caliber club teams for a decade. Once the formation is set, they just play.

They even have leverage for 2020. Ten of 11 starters return, including six kids getting recruiting by colleges from Power 5 to high D3. Two years ago, they were a .500 team as freshman playing varsity. Next year, they'll be seniors and finally broke through this year. If there was a group that could probably get real change accomplished, it's this group.

It is my hope that the captains do go - perhaps with a signed letter - from the players about this for next year. But I also don't think anything positive will come from it and they won't know if the coach makes any adjustments until next spring -- and it'll be too late to change if not.

 

[Webster]

I would think that the captains, perhaps even backed by the parents, speak to the head coach with specific examples. Easy to say from a distance and with hindsight, but these things needs should be addressed closer to real time so as not to fester.

I also think that the AD/principal needs to be informed this year because the coach can simply provide lip service that he will change and then do nothing next year when the players are stuck with him.

 

[swingline]

Toothbrush shiv?

 

[ChrisLong]

Such a tricky situation.
I've been with teams in which if a parent talks to the coach about playing time, or anything else, the kid automatically doesn't play the next match/tournament. The coaches simply don't want to deal with parents, period.
One thought I had was if the parents are within earshot of the coach during a game, when he goes off, one parent yells, "Chill out, Coach. Let's have fun." And the rest of the parents chime in with, "Yeah, yeah, fun." That could backfire, too, if the coach thinks, screw you all, and makes it worse.

This is one way to go about it. One of our club teams was unhappy with the coach. The players talked it over and the captain wrote an email on behalf of the entire team outlining what they felt were problems. They had a meeting with the coach and players (no parents) and sort of resolved things. But that was the end of volleyball for my kid.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

The ideas are all nice and all, and no, this is not a reasoned response, but in a perfect world, you go to the store and buy a Butterfinger. Give it to your kid. Make it a fun thing.

Then, amid the championship celebration, your kid goes to the coach, hands him the Butterfinger, and tells him he can shove it up his ash.

 

[qtlaw]

In order to have any chance, need to look for a moment from the Coach's eyes, what's going to get through to him (or the AD)? Snide comments, side comments, will almost certainly be dismissed. Well supported (with specifics) complaints are only chance to get through to him. Then if not, then presented, in writing, to AD with threat of going public of not just complaints, but specific instances.