How does your family handle death?

[outofplace]

It's now been a week since I got the word about my sister.

I "broke the news" on the Politics thread, because more than anything else I was (and still am) angry at Fatfork for driving a wedge in our family as well as millions of others. So that's why it was relevant in that thread.

But that's probably 100 pages back* now, so I guess if I'm gonna comment any further, I'll do it here. As I've detailed above, it'll be going on for a couple more months.

Anyway, I do thank all those who offered condolences.

* Actually, it's now 106 pages back. Pretty good guess.

Sorry about your loss. I know very well what it is like to lose a sibling without getting to fix the relationship, though I'm uncertain that my brother would have ever taken the steps to fix anything. He was avoiding me entirely and his children were barely speaking to him when he died. His youngest lit into him the last time they spoke and still carries the guilt over all the horrible things he said to his father in that last conversation. It has been about five years now and I can't say I've forgiven him. The best I can do is understand that he was an addict doing what addicts do. Given the number of addicts that preceded him, including our grandfather and our aunt, I can't help but think of the line from my favorite television show. "Ain't nothing but a family thing."

Of course, my idiot brother also loved Trump.

 

[Octave]

Star Man-

I have a cousin who is deep in the cult. Deep, deep, deep. Thinks Slobbo has been through so much.

These folks are at sea, and nothing we can do about it.

 

[Starman]

I know. My sister and I had pretty much gotten to the agree-to-disagree stage, we could talk at holiday time and it was all right, no screaming matches, etc etc.

But everything was eggshells. Couldn't talk about much of anything before she'd launch back into it.

My youngest sister, the legendary StarSis of the sports threads of yore, went down to see her in November with oldest daughter Sis22, a senior in college.

They were there four days and StarSis said things mostly went ok, but once or twice ... she'd get going.

They didn't leave in a huff, but it was close. And that's the last memory Sis22 will have of her aunt.

 

[BYH 2: Electric Boogaloo]

Very sorry to hear of your loss, Starman.

 

[BitterYoungMatador2]

You could honestly do a whole thread on the people who have become wedged off in our friends and family circles by this fool. The friend I talked about in this thread (I went to his father's funeral) went all in on him in 2016 and it was insufferable. I've watched my uncle duke it out in the Facebook comments with his husband of his brother's daughter over this guy. One of the guys I occasionally go to Pitt games with, one of the "I hate both sides" folks, has suddenly gone all-in on him after the felony convictions.

Sorry to threadjack but we were on this topic.

 

[Flip Wilson]

When my older sister died, my parents asked the pastor of the church where we grew up to do the service. It was obvious he didn't know her. He didn't know how to pronounce her last name. We had friends who told us later how bad it was.

When Dad was in hospice, he said he wanted a service with lots of laughs and music and a short sermon, and he got two of three. The preacher went on a little too long, but at least he knew the person about whom he was speaking. Mom kind of became a recluse after Dad died, and another sister moved in with her when Mom was diagnosed with cancer. Her service wasn't terribly memorable, sad as this is to say.

I'm not sure how I would have handled things with them in this political climate since we were on opposite sides.

Finally...a guy who worked for my dad for years and years was arrested a couple of years ago - several years after Dad died - for in appropriate interactions with children. I'm glad Dad wasn't alive to see that. It would have broken his heart.

 

[dixiehack]

All I will ask for is that my daughter go to my church on the first Sunday in November after my death and stand up for me when my name is called in the All Saints Day service. Otherwise they can bury me, burn me, have a party, have a big funeral, ignore me altogether or do whatever they like.

 

[Deskgrunt50]

We were fortunate when it comes to the services for Grandpa, Dad and Mom. All went to the same church and the minister knew each of them pretty well. He was pretty new in 2015 when Grandpa died. But he took great care to have conversations with all of us about him, and sort of let us guide the tone of his remarks.

The minister had (mostly) moved to another church in another state, as his wife was following a job, when Mom died last year. But he made sure to be there and do the service. And took the same care.

After reading some of the stories here, it makes me appreciate how fortunate we were in that regard.

 

[Wenders]

I hate it when it is obvious the clergy officiating the funeral has no idea who the deceased was. You can tell right away if they are just regurgitating the written obit.

My mom passed a little over a week ago.
I'm still pretty numb about it all. I had to hold my father together because he was / is close to falling apart. They just celebrated 45 years of marriage.
I haven't accepted that I'll never hear her voice again, that she'll never text me a high five when K-State scores again. That she won't be at my wedding, or see her step-grandkids graduate from high school and be the awesome people that they're preparing to be.

We had the service at a church back in Kansas that we hadn't attended in 15 years, since my parents moved back to Texas. The pastor did not know her, and either he mixed up his notes for another funeral service, or he just got very confused. He spoke of her love of reading and how that translated to a degree in literature.
Mom hasn't read a book in 50 years and her degree was in HORTICULTURE.
He spoke of her love of her children and grandchildren.
I'm an only child and unless I missed something major, the only grandchildren to speak of are two cats.

I'm now trying to help Dad with tech things to wrap up. Verizon might be the worst company with the most god-awful customer service I've ever dealt with.

I also got good at the visitation at creeping right by the visitors book to see who this person is that I haven't spoken to in 20 years coming to pay their condolences.

 

[Spartan Squad]

My mom passed a little over a week ago.
I'm still pretty numb about it all. I had to hold my father together because he was / is close to falling apart. They just celebrated 45 years of marriage.
I haven't accepted that I'll never hear her voice again, that she'll never text me a high five when K-State scores again. That she won't be at my wedding, or see her step-grandkids graduate from high school and be the awesome people that they're preparing to be.

We had the service at a church back in Kansas that we hadn't attended in 15 years, since my parents moved back to Texas. The pastor did not know her, and either he mixed up his notes for another funeral service, or he just got very confused. He spoke of her love of reading and how that translated to a degree in literature.
Mom hasn't read a book in 50 years and her degree was in HORTICULTURE.
He spoke of her love of her children and grandchildren.
I'm an only child and unless I missed something major, the only grandchildren to speak of are two cats.

I'm now trying to help Dad with tech things to wrap up. Verizon might be the worst company with the most god-awful customer service I've ever dealt with.

I also got good at the visitation at creeping right by the visitors book to see who this person is that I haven't spoken to in 20 years coming to pay their condolences.

I'm so sorry you lost your mom and are having to deal with everything. My deepest condolences, as much as they're worth right now.

 

[dixiehack]

I'm sorry Wenders. Grace and peace to y'all.

 

[WriteThinking]

My mom passed a little over a week ago.
I'm still pretty numb about it all. I had to hold my father together because he was / is close to falling apart. They just celebrated 45 years of marriage.
I haven't accepted that I'll never hear her voice again, that she'll never text me a high five when K-State scores again. That she won't be at my wedding, or see her step-grandkids graduate from high school and be the awesome people that they're preparing to be.

We had the service at a church back in Kansas that we hadn't attended in 15 years, since my parents moved back to Texas. The pastor did not know her, and either he mixed up his notes for another funeral service, or he just got very confused. He spoke of her love of reading and how that translated to a degree in literature.
Mom hasn't read a book in 50 years and her degree was in HORTICULTURE.
He spoke of her love of her children and grandchildren.
I'm an only child and unless I missed something major, the only grandchildren to speak of are two cats.

I'm now trying to help Dad with tech things to wrap up. Verizon might be the worst company with the most god-awful customer service I've ever dealt with.

I also got good at the visitation at creeping right by the visitors book to see who this person is that I haven't spoken to in 20 years coming to pay their condolences.

I'm sorry for your loss, Wenders. It sounds like your mom loved you and your K-State sports bent. Did she like The Amazing Race?

Right now, you and your dad are in the hard part of the amazing race called life. Stay in touch with those you need to in order to stay connected. Ditto for your dad.