Sliding into DMs... and out of a job

[Neutral Corner]

That's great.

When my son was 7 or 8 I was an asst. coach on his Little League team. We had a good season and made the All-Star team, with me continuing to coach. We lived in an affluent area, and there were a lot of classic pushy, opinionated parents. All-Stars is a short, intense season and the parents generally didn't know most of the coaches well. Some of them were a little much.

It was a pitching machine league, and I was the guy delivering the ball. My job was to set the kid up, be sure I had the batter's attention and to make the timing and delivery as uniform as I could. We're in a close game, and this one kid's mother keeps yelling at him, telling him what to do, changing his position, etc. After a while it really started to annoy me. I told the kid, call him Buddy, how I wanted him set up and she immediately contradicted me. I got pissed off and stepped off for a second, looked out to the outfield and was talking to myself, when one of the other coaches jogs over and asks what's wrong.

"I keep trying to get Buddy to set up to hit toward third, and everything I say, his contrary bench of a mother tells him something different, and I'm about to blow a blood vessel!"

Yeah. Buddy's mom was his wife. Full credit, he didn't bat an eye and went and told her to stick a sock in it, but I was forking mortified.

 

[Fred siegle]

Two weeks into my freshman year at college and my two roommates and a friend meet these girls, and my prankster roommate decides to pull a joke on one of the girls by getting her to tell me she heard my mother was a great dancer. Of course my job was to get all upset and tell her that's not funny because my mom lost her legs in a car accident and was in a wheelchair. (She didn't, and wasn't). Being the great ACTOR I am, I did a great job, and the girl got all upset and started crying.
She never talked to us again.

 

[BurnsWhenIPee]

We did the thing in college where we would have an unsuspecting girl play "a joke" on our friend and ask him if his mother used a snorkel in the bathtub.

The friend would then burst into tears, because his mother drowned in the bathtub last month.

The smart girls would see right through it and ask to help play the joke on other victims. Some would get pissed and storm off. And if we are being completely honest, some of the dumber/drunker/sluttier girls would end up making it up to the poor mother-less guy in other ways.

 

[Vombatus]

I forking died. The best part was, Jim is the last person in the world who would make fun of a kid with one leg. It was like watching Santa push a kid down some stairs. Watching him try to apologize to the parents was amazing. They didn't believe he didn't know.

Oh God. It was perfection.

So... why was the kid missing his forking leg?

And same question goes for the chicken.

 

[CD Boogie]

I forking died. The best part was, Jim is the last person in the world who would make fun of a kid with one leg. It was like watching Santa push a kid down some stairs. Watching him try to apologize to the parents was amazing. They didn't believe he didn't know.

Oh God. It was perfection.

"Hey, Jim. Remember the one-legged chicken and the kid with the fake leg?"

I'd never stop saying that to him.

 

[OscarMadison]

I clicked for the trainwreck. I stayed for the stories.

 

[freqposter]

This guy did it all wrong.

When working a woman who is unemployed or underemployed, you have to remind her of her attributes. The things she does well.

Bring her along slowly. Why not? If she's out of work, what else does she have going on.

He went right to the crude remark about himself on her face. No, no, no!

Offer to send out some contacts on her behalf. See where it leads for a job.

Instead of offering a thousand bucks in a donation for NOW, learn her preferred brand of purse or shoes.

Always cash.

No paper trail.

Send her those instead.

And watch back as she models the gift for you.

With nothing else on.

 

[Justin_Rice]

This guy did it all wrong.

When working a woman who is unemployed or underemployed, you have to remind her of her attributes. The things she does well.

Bring her along slowly. Why not? If she's out of work, what else does she have going on.

He went right to the crude remark about himself on her face. No, no, no!

Offer to send out some contacts on her behalf. See where it leads for a job.

Instead of offering a thousand bucks in a donation for NOW, learn her preferred brand of purse or shoes.

Always cash.

No paper trail.

Send her those instead.

And watch back as she models the gift for you.

With nothing else on.

He's back!

 

[DanielSimpsonDay]

This guy did it all wrong.

When working a woman who is unemployed or underemployed, you have to remind her of her attributes. The things she does well.

Bring her along slowly. Why not? If she's out of work, what else does she have going on.

He went right to the crude remark about himself on her face. No, no, no!

Offer to send out some contacts on her behalf. See where it leads for a job.

Instead of offering a thousand bucks in a donation for NOW, learn her preferred brand of purse or shoes.

Always cash.

No paper trail.

Send her those instead.

And watch back as she models the gift for you.

With nothing else on.

 

[Moderator1]

He's back!

Unfortunately.

A pretty serious topic in a time when women are being harassed and he's here to make jokes about it.
Sorry if this makes me the cranky old guy but I don't find it funny.

 

[Monday Morning Sportswriter]

This guy did it all wrong.

When working a woman who is unemployed or underemployed, you have to remind her of her attributes. The things she does well.

Bring her along slowly. Why not? If she's out of work, what else does she have going on.

He went right to the crude remark about himself on her face. No, no, no!

Offer to send out some contacts on her behalf. See where it leads for a job.

Instead of offering a thousand bucks in a donation for NOW, learn her preferred brand of purse or shoes.

Always cash.

No paper trail.

Send her those instead.

And watch back as she models the gift for you.

With nothing else on.

My man! Welcome back.

 

[Inky_Wretch]

I support the right of any woman to out the pervs who slide into their DMs.

The Anonymous Instagram Account Fighting Harassment in Climbing