What are your "Rules for Life?"

[outofplace]

And for the grace of all that is holy and righteous, have the balls to break up in a way that she knows you've broken up.

That can be an issue with women as well as men. I've known a few women who were masters of mixed signals.

 

[The Big Ragu]

And for the grace of all that is holy and righteous, have the balls to break up in a way that she knows you've broken up.

It's not you, it's me.

 

[swingline]

It's not me, it's you.

 

[DanielSimpsonDay]

I tell high school boys all the time:
Don't get hung up on the hot ones and don't overlook the plain ones; neither will look that way in 10 years.

MY MAN

 

[DanielSimpsonDay]

It's not you, it's me.

 

[qtlaw]

Speaking as an ugly woman, let's unpack a few things you might not realize you're saying when you mention these rules. If you're treating unattractive women with something resembling respect only because of who they might know, not only do we know it, so do our dishier friends. Sometimes they see through it before we do. How it usually goes down:

Me: C'mon. He seems like a nice guy.
Dishy: No. He's not.
Me: Um...
Dishy: (diplomatic explanation why my impression of him is different from hers)

On other thing: We are not desperate for your attention or company. If I am in my happy place at a book or media store and you sit next to me and chat me up, I'll be polite. Sometimes you might prove to be interesting and I might make a friend. Win-win. If you talk smack about your wife or girlfriend, I will take her side. If you take exception to what I'm looking at (because men don't like women who read books about baseball or archaeology or physics) please, please, please, please just go find someone who is looking at something that meets your approval. They might want to talk to you. I don't. Tattoo this on your psyche: You are not doing me a favor by trying to show me what life would be like if I'd stayed with the live-action version of Steve Dallas I dumped like so much life ballast in my early thirties.

Oscar, with respect to my post, I wasn't saying I was doing someone a favor by befriending them or that it was motivated to get to know who someone might know; it was a reminder to myself that there are potential benefits, so don't be dismissive.

In any setting, I learned to be nice to everyone, you never know what may come about, a potential legal matter, a referral, a good golf buddy, or simply someone to talk about Bonds' HOF credentials. Whereas in my youth I was narrowly focused, I learned to be more open-minded without any specific purpose in mind; I am not thinking that its only for the potential side benefits or that I am doing someone a favor.

 

[Octave]

One from my New Jersey upbringing: Be respectful to everyone, you never know which one might be connected, if you catch my meaning.

 

[Oggiedoggie]

More of a life lesson than a life rule: Learn to recognize when you're being an asshole.

That seems to me to be an early indicator of possible shift from self-centered to self-aware. It's also likely the first step in stopping being an asshole because, if I'm clueless about what I'm doing, I'll probably keep charging in that direction.

Of course, just realizing what I'm doing is rude and selfish doesn't always mean I'll stop. There are times when I can justify my attitude because there are pretty good reasons (at least to me) why I'm being an asshole. I'm those situations, I usually wind up acting a big enough asshole that even I realize that I'm mainly just being an asshole.

I guess the life rule would be: Don't be an asshole.

 

[goalmouth]

One from my New Jersey upbringing: Be respectful to everyone, you never know which one might be connected, if you catch my meaning.

Yes. Another Jersey one is, you can throw a bunch of pennies in the toll basket and get away with it.*

*There are still a few toll baskets down the Shore.

 

[Octave]

Hah. Between you and me, I always thought the Shore was overrated.

But so is South Beach. So are most of them.

 

[goalmouth]

Hah. Between you and me, I always thought the Shore was overrated.

But so is South Beach. So are most of them.

I don't fetishize it like some people. But I treasure my trophy won as a lad for aceing the 18th hole in miniature golf in Asbury Park. Rubbed my belly raw rafting at Philips Avenue (now Conover) Beach in Deal. Ate fried clams at Moby's on the Navesink (and still do) while watching kids jump off the bridge. Learned to surf at LBI and watched the July 4 fireworks of all the towns along the shore.

Now the Great Salt Lake. There's a beach.

 

[Huggy]

An urgent, last-minute request yesterday reminded me of a saying another old boss was fond of: A lack of organization on your part does not constitute a crisis on my part.