Preparing for death

[swingline]

If I write something up and have a notary sign it, is it a legal document the court will follow?

 

[Brooklyn Bridge]

Yes. This is all a great idea.
Having dealt with my dad pashing a couple of years ago, the best piece of advice is to make sure every deed, title, bank account, etc. has two people's names on them. It makes life so much easier. Everything of my wife and mine and my mom's has two names on it. We use OR and not AND, so if something happens, a survivor has immediate access to everything with no hashle.
Also, do your family a favor and get rid of your "stuff." If it's something you actually use or has some personal or real value to survivors, that's different. But if it's some random bottle cap or ticket stub or rusty screwdriver ... get rid of it.

Of course, as soon as you get rid of said item, you will find need for it soon after.

My dad has some property and wants me to be executor. I have two brothers, and we're supposed to figure it out after. I'm trying to tell him, sell the property now and put the money into the grandkids college fund. Or don't. At this point, my wife and I aren't expecting anything, but I don't want to deal with the legal issues and the fighting with family.

 

[MileHigh]

If I write something up and have a notary sign it, is it a legal document the court will follow?

Yup. You can sit with an estate attorney and a good one will go through everything. Your house, your car, your life insurance, who gets the dog and cat? They will draw it up, get it notarized and you should give a copy to your executor and also put the original in a safe deposit box.

Just be sure you put where the key is. We couldn't find my sister's. Or the backup. The bank won't just open it. The office manager of their business said my sister often put stuff in the box and carried the key in her purse. I reached out to the coroner. Sure enough, it was in her purse among the wreckage. I went back out there, got it. It was bent. It took about 45 minutes, but we were able to finally open it.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

My dad was the opposite. He never got rid of anything, and then I had to get rid of everything. If windshield wipers, fan belts, tires, spark plugs, etc. were bad enough for you to replace, there wasn't a reason to keep the old ones.
Maybe it's just an area thing, but I'm of an age where most of my friends and ashociates are losing parents. All of us commiserate about having to get rid of "stuff" that should have been gone 40-50 years ago. Most of our parents grew up at the end of the Depression or during war rationing. "Wellllll, you never know when you might need that."

That's my Mom to a T. She never wants to get rid of anything, to the point of where my wife and I believe she's a hoarder. Not as bad as on TV (no dead animals around, for instance), but still fairly bad.

A few years back, we tried to get her to get rid of some stuff, arguing that Dad was having heart surgery and would need to be able to move around. That was a few weekends of emotion (really Mom, you want to keep this filthy telephone cord?), and we did get rid of some stuff. But now there's more.

My wife reminds me that at some point, we're going to have to be the ones to clean out the house. I tell her that I'd rather do it after both of them are gone because while I know it'll be difficult, I'd rather avoid devoting my parents' limited days to emotional battles over junk.

 

[playthrough]

My dad was the opposite. He never got rid of anything, and then I had to get rid of everything. If windshield wipers, fan belts, tires, spark plugs, etc. were bad enough for you to replace, there wasn't a reason to keep the old ones.
Maybe it's just an area thing, but I'm of an age where most of my friends and ashociates are losing parents. All of us commiserate about having to get rid of "stuff" that should have been gone 40-50 years ago. Most of our parents grew up at the end of the Depression or during war rationing. "Wellllll, you never know when you might need that."

That's exactly what we're going through with my wife's Dad, who died last month at age 91. He was a junk dealer his whole life (largely cars and tractors), and for years before got sick he was more of a compiler than a seller. Because who's to say when you might need parts for a 1973 Scout?

 

[BurnsWhenIPee]

Yup. You can sit with an estate attorney and a good one will go through everything. Your house, your car, your life insurance, who gets the dog and cat? They will draw it up, get it notarized and you should give a copy to your executor and also put the original in a safe deposit box.

Just be sure you put where the key is. We couldn't find my sister's. Or the backup. The bank won't just open it. The office manager of their business said my sister often put stuff in the box and carried the key in her purse. I reached out to the coroner. Sure enough, it was in her purse among the wreckage. I went back out there, got it. It was bent. It took about 45 minutes, but we were able to finally open it.

But the key is, "attorney," right?

You shouldn't just write something up yourself, have it notarized and think that's good enough.

 

[Driftwood]

That's my Mom to a T. She never wants to get rid of anything, to the point of where my wife and I believe she's a hoarder. Not as bad as on TV (no dead animals around, for instance), but still fairly bad.

A few years back, we tried to get her to get rid of some stuff, arguing that Dad was having heart surgery and would need to be able to move around. That was a few weekends of emotion (really Mom, you want to keep this filthy telephone cord?), and we did get rid of some stuff. But now there's more.

My wife reminds me that at some point, we're going to have to be the ones to clean out the house. I tell her that I'd rather do it after both of them are gone because while I know it'll be difficult, I'd rather avoid devoting my parents' limited days to emotional battles over junk.

I always clashified my dad as a pack rat rather than a hoarder. He didn't go out and buy stuff just for the sake of having it. When he had to replace something, he got what he needed but wouldn't toss out the old one. The crazy thing is, he could tell you exactly where it was.

 

[Wenders]

I'm the kid of an aging parent. When mom died last year, Dad's not exactly what we would call a tech person, so I transferred all of his pashwords into my pashword vault so I can get into any of his accounts if I need to, I know who handles what as far as their funds and life stuff. I'm also an only child, so there will be no bickering about who gets the stuff. (During mom's eulogy last year, the pastor didn't know her at all and may have had her mixed up with someone else, because he talked about how she so loved her children and grandchildren. I asked my dad at the cemetery if we needed to talk about these extra siblings running around. Meanwhile, my fiance asked me where my children were, as I am childless as well. You have to find things to laugh about.)

My wife reminds me that at some point, we're going to have to be the ones to clean out the house. I tell her that I'd rather do it after both of them are gone because while I know it'll be difficult, I'd rather avoid devoting my parents' limited days to emotional battles over junk.

This is a good plan. When my grandparents went into the nursing home, we tackled the house as a family. Someone made the crucial mistake of letting my grandfather know that we had thrown out the asbestos-riddled ceiling tiles from the house they tore down in 1952. He was furious. THOSE COULD BE USEFUL ONE DAY.

All of my grandparents lived through the Depression. You just don't throw things away. You find uses for them. Unfortunately, that mindset went to my parents, and now onto me. It's probably the only thing me and my husband have seriously fought about is my stuff and my unwillingness to part with some of it.

 

[micropolitan guy]

We redid our family trust completely several years ago, since Micro Jr. was no longer a minor. Time and money well-spent.

 

[Woody Long]

I'm only in my late 40s, but as someone who has a law degree and had a friend die unexpectedly while going through a divorce with a special needs child, I insisted that my wife and I get our wills done when our second child arrived. Similarly, with parents in their 80s, I'm on top of where everything is for them and what they want when the time comes. As my Wills and Estates professor would say, "It's not a matter of 'if'. It's a matter of 'when'." Better to be ready than not.

 

[dixiehack]

My brother is married with five kids and rents a house one exit down from my parents. When the topic of them pashing has been broached before, I've indicated I'm good with my brother getting their house. They've helped me plenty over the years and I was never interested in moving back there.

It came up again a year ago after my Aunt Pam died intestate and mom hemmed and hawed when I mentioned it. Turned out not long after the funeral my brother got jailed for selling pills. (Amazingly he only drew probation.) So I don't know if they are worried he will squander it or if there is still a mortgage on the place even after they downsized from the previous house and they think he won't be able to keep up payments.

If they do ultimately deed it over to him I'm at peace with it. But if they do have us sell and split the proceeds, I'll just set up something to pash any money along to my kids.

 

[jackfinarelli]

Absolutely necessary action for everyone. You should probably use an attorney to draw up documents; at the very least, use one of the online cookie-cutter legal services to help you with the documents.

There is a product you can buy that will help you get everything in order because it will prompt you to get organized. It is called a NOKBox where NOK stands for "Next Of Kin". It keeps everything related to your estate in one place so it can be discharged in an orderly fashion. My wife and I have found it useful.