How do you reconnect when you move to a new town?

[leo1]

cadet is right. if you have 100,000 people in that town, then there has to be a lot more to do than just go to bars. lectures, nature walks, church or synagogue young adult groups, etc.

100,000 people is not a small town. try some of this stuff and some of it sucks, so you don't go back. some of it is so-so, so you keep going for a few more meetings. hopefully you meet like-minded people. also, volunteering is a great way to meet people -- united way or red cross type groups usually let you volunteer on a limited-commitment basis.

meeting people and building a fulfilling life outside of work can be, well, hard work. you seem to be on the verge of realizing it, but i suspect you're not trying hard enough. you have to work at it. you might be an awesome person with lots to offer to others but if you don't put yourself out there and try to talk to people - without being smothering and off-putting at first - then no one will ever find this out.

btw, with 100,000 people, are you positive they don't have this particular sport that you love? are you looking hard enough? maybe you can try a different sport.

 

[micropolitan guy]

Do you work out? Some of my best friends in Microville, which is smaller than your city, are people I met at my athletic club the first month I lived here.

Play amateur softball? Run? Swim? Good way to meet lots of people with similar interests.

 

[EStreetJoe]

Have you tried joining the local gym/health club? Try some of the exercise classes to meet people.

Or check the community calendar in the paper and see if there's a social group for something you're interested in having a meeting.

 

[NDub]

Fortunately, I haven't had to fully experience this yet. To those of you who've been there, these are great suggestions that will help me when the time comes. Please keep them coming for us young'uns.

I moved 21 hours away from home in the 2005 summer, but did it to move with my now ex-g/f. It was between semesters, so I didn't know if was goiing to move back home or transfer to the local U.

Without getting into too much detail... the relationship was rocky, so I didn't have much of her to depend on for social time. I freelanced an independent baseball team, so game time was the same every night. During the day when she worked, I had nothing to do. I kept in touch with friends/family mostly through the phone, went to the pool to layout/swim, read shloads of books, played basketball and playstation, volunteered at the animal shelter, and then somtimes went to bars/clubs on weekends. There was another minor league team in town, so i went to their games. Yeah, it was more sports and I wasn't working, but it was something to do.

We probably don't share the same interests, but my point is that I did whatever I could to stay busy while adjusting to this new place. I'm not an overly social person, so I did this stuff to "buy time" until I could open up.

Now, fortunately for me, I moved back home at the end of summer. But during that three months, I got a taste of what post-college life will be like in a new city.

Keep your head up, Kritter. Things will work out.

 

[Dyno]

Kritter - is there any kind of coffee house around? They can be a cool place to hang out and a good alternative to bars. Just being out and around other people might help you feel less lonely. Plus, they often have bulletin boards with flyers about local events and such.

I also agree with the advice to try volunteer work. Organizations are usually starved for people to do things like help with mailings or answer phones. I've made several friends through volunteering. Good luck!

 

[SCEditor]

I also agree with the advice to try volunteer work. Organizations are usually starved for people to do things like help with mailings or answer phones. I've made several friends through volunteering. Good luck!

Great advice. The best thing about volunteer work is you will meet new people, and the majority of people who are volunteering are generally good people (which is probably why the volunteer). A lot of times you can fall into hanging out with the wrong crowd or a crowd that generally doesn't share your same interests just to "have a crowd." You seem like a good person, a little homesick, and volunteering would put you in the company of people who generally care about others. Plus, it's a good thing to do and stuff.

 

[Perry White]

Yahoo Personals/Match.com might be worth a shot

 

[Tommy_Dreamer]

When I first moved away from home (7-hour drive give or take traffic) I was reclusive at first and I didn't really like my co-workers that much, save for the one guy who quoted the same movies I did. But he is devoted to his wife and didn't go out so much as to not provoke her wrath.

So as a single guy in a strange land, I turned to the local music scene and bars. I tend to spend too much time in them, but I've made a lot of great friends that way, including some very talented musicians who I'm proud to call friends.

The bars might be a good way, but then again, I'm a people-person and I smoke so I'm not afraid to strike up a conversation with someone. That's the best way to do that. Of course doing that as a guy is a lot easier I would tend to think.

 

[murciélago]

I met a lot of people at my gym.

Our best friends were fellow parents in our daughter's day-care center. We're kinda getting to know a couple from church, though I'm not real fond of that avenue in general. That can go very wrong.

 

[Kritter47]

Part of what kills me is I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, and I'm broke/cheap.

I hadn't thought about the volunteer work. Is it possible to find volunteer organizations that work with a typical sportswriters schedule? I work evenings, and my days off very from week to week which doesn't seem compatible with most volunteering. But I'll definitely look into it.

How much do gym memberships typically cost? It would be great for my health too, but I'm in that early-career, broke as fork stage where I'm not making any money and have college loans to pay off. I remember trying to look up the new Gold's Gym online but didn't find anything about it other than it wasn't fully open yet.

As far as my sport, it's hockey, and you need some serious facilities for that. My city used to have a rink but doesn't put the ice up anymore. The nearest rink is a 200-mile round trip.

 

[micropolitan guy]

Check with your HR person. The company might pick up a share of your health club membership as part of its wellness program.

 

[Dyno]

Kritter - I'm not outgoing either, so taking the plunge to volunteer was a little scary. I stumbled across volunteer opportunities with one group because I had donated clothes to their thrift store and got on their mailing list. My group is a local one that provides services and shelter to victims of domestic violence. I've gone from putting address labels on mailings to helping out with their events and fundraising. It's a great group of mostly women, who are friendly and supportive. I wish I had met them sooner than I did.

As for you, is there a cause you feel strongly about - if a relative has a health problem, you could try the local chapter of the American Heart Association, National Kidney Foundation, etc. Or you could try a soup kitchen or group that provides meals to the sick or homebound. There are so many deserving groups out there. You're a writer - maybe there's a group that needs help with their newsletter.

As for where to find these groups, you might want to check out your town's or county's website. Many of them have links for volunteer opportunities.