Do Not Resuscitate *serious, please*

[forever_town]

Losing a loved one is never easy.

I know the instinct is to want to keep someone around as long as possible and to fight death every step of the way. I can only imagine how helpless someone with that mentality would feel if their loved one left DNR instructions.

I can't offer advice or comfort. I can only say I feel bad for the situation you're in.

I'm so sorry.

 

[Guy_Incognito]

A Life-or-Death Situation (Published 2013)

 

[2muchcoffeeman]

I have not had to experience this with anyone, and so, don't know what to say, or what I'd do, or what I'd be inclined to do. I think it might depend on the preceding issues, how long and how hard the fight has been, and, of course, what the person might have expressed that they wanted done, etc.

It's actually fairly simple: You do what your loved one has asked you to if that situation comes up.

My mom was an RN before she retired, first in the ER and then medical/surgical after she burned out on the ER, and as far back as my sophomore year of high school I was aware that Mom had no interest in being kept alive by extraordinary and artificial means — and her reasons for having had a written DNR for that long: because she'd seen it close-up in her patients.

When the time came last April, there was never any question about letting her go. Mom would never have wanted to have her life extended living as she was, with severe dementia. She could no longer walk, sometimes struggled with balance issues just trying to sit up in bed, was a mental and emotional mess, and could no longer eat solid food. Knowing her wishes and having them expressed on paper made saying goodbye a lot easier, and nobody in the family was wiling to see her live that way any longer.

 

[TheSportsPredictor]

A Life-or-Death Situation (Published 2013)

Wow. Incredible story.

He died two weeks after publication.

 

[Guy_Incognito]

Wow. Incredible story.

He died two weeks after publication.

I was really taken by it. Both just as a story, but it also pushed me to try to examine my own positions on all kinds of issues and how consistent I would be when push comes to shove and it hits home. I always think of deck Cheney and gay marriage as another example.

 

[Guy_Incognito]

Wow. Incredible story.

He died two weeks after publication.

Did you Google him? I didn't see a note.

 

[TheSportsPredictor]

Did you Google him? I didn't see a note.

Yes, there's an obit with a link to a blog from the NYT writer which was last updated a month after Brooke died.

Peggy still teaching at University of Utah.

 

[goalmouth]

I once worked for a trade pub known as DNR.

It is defunct.

 

[Octave]

My mother has one. I would wish to have one myself.

 

[Moderator1]

I have one - I want to be my usual, joyous alive self and then fall down dead. I've said many times on this board - I do not want my kids to have to take care of me. It is my only concern about being single at my age (I otherwise love it): becoming incapacitated.

When I do fall down dead, I hope someone's around. I would not want it to be in my apartment and have no one figure it out until I smelled. A guy I worked with in Richmond died on a Friday and no one knew until Monday.

I think my son would figure it out fairly fast. We communicate regularly, text every day and talk on most of them. He has my landlord's contact information and a set of keys if he needs to zip up here. As he said, jokingly (I think), I got to get up there and take care of Ella! Too late for you.

I also think I've posted this on here: Those who follow me on social media know I post a summary of my walk every day. I don't do that to brag (well, not primarily). I do it because it lets my kids know I'm upright and moving. Didn't post until late one day a couple of years ago and my son got worried. He forgot I was out of town for a surprise party for my sister and I didn't want to post and let her know I was in her town. So I waited.

I'm lucky. I have great kids. They'd take care of me. I just don't want that for them.

I'll be 65 in three months. I used to think when my time comes, it comes. Had a good life, raised two kids and they're mostly responsible adults. I have not been cheated. But once the grandgirls arrived, I changed. I'd like to hang around long enough to see them walk down the aisle, as long as I can do it with my faculties intact. Otherwise, peace out and I'll see you on the other side.

 

[WriteThinking]

It's actually fairly simple: You do what your loved one has asked you to if that situation comes up.

My mom was an RN before she retired, first in the ER and then medical/surgical after she burned out on the ER, and as far back as my sophomore year of high school I was aware that Mom had no interest in being kept alive by extraordinary and artificial means — and her reasons for having had a written DNR for that long: because she'd seen it close-up in her patients.

When the time came last April, there was never any question about letting her go. Mom would never have wanted to have her life extended living as she was, with severe dementia. She could no longer walk, sometimes struggled with balance issues just trying to sit up in bed, was a mental and emotional mess, and could no longer eat solid food. Knowing her wishes and having them expressed on paper made saying goodbye a lot easier, and nobody in the family was wiling to see her live that way any longer.

That's an excellent, informed post. And I agree with it, both in sentiment and principle. I just wonder -- probably because I haven't had such experience (or such perspective as your mom's) -- if it really would be so simple when the time comes for those who are left behind and have to handle it. Any expressed wishes on the part of the person would definitely have to be factored in. Heavily.

 

[tea and ease]

I asked this question on the day my mother died. And I couldn't look at the answers, despite wanting to know them, until today. I feel so much support from
all of you who responded. It went exactly as those of you who experienced it described. Maybe better. It went peacefully for those of you who have not yet been through it. I wish for all of you who may suffer the same decision, know it's right and kind. My experience only.