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Show him a .38-caliber revolver and tell him you never, ever want to hear that shirt from his mouth again.
 
spaceman said:
Next week, predict that the coach will get caught forking a goat.

This has my vote.

But yeah, pick'ems are heck. Just make this your last season of doing them. still, don't back away from doing your job, even if it means writting a negative story about the team if it arises. If he corners you on it, just tell him you're doing your job and maybe he should worry more about doing his own job.
 
Honestly, my favorite prediction column writer in the world is Geoff Calkins at the CA. Model his pick column after your. He has fun with it, to the point, nobody in their right mind would take him seriously.

If you go into it trying to sound like you're Jimmy the Greek, they'll take it serious. But if you do it like this http://www.commercialappeal.com/mca/sports_columnists/article/0,1426,MCA_468_4960769,00.html
I think you'll be fine, and it will be something mothers and non-sports fans might look forward to reading.
 
Big question: how much support do you think you're going to get from your higher-ups? That may dictate how you choose to handle it. If your bosses have your back, then get in the coach's face and tell him that until he signs your checks or dies for your sins, he has no say in the content of your section. If the bosses are going to roll over, pitch the idea that the coach make the prediction. If that doesn't sail, then hold your nose and do what they tell you, all the while shining up that resume for your next stop.
 
I have a sneaky suspision that this coach wants you to pick against him. That way he can use it as bulletin board material because he can't think of a way to motivate his team on his own. It was a small-minded response from a small-minded man.
 
Love, love, LOVE high school predictions. We did them in Champaign -- have no idea if they still do -- and I picked against the common-sense favored team every week. Finally convinced Rossow to run our mugs with the picks, just to pish off the local dickheads at the bars who would discuss those picks (and, yes, I was called a dickhead at a bar because of my picks) and let them know who I was. Nothing more fun than saying a big fork you to people who take their prep sports way too seriously.
fork picking them to win 72-0, pick them to lose 72-0.
 
i'd think picking them to lose 49-48 in triple overtime would have a better effect.
 
joe said:
Love, love, LOVE high school predictions. We did them in Champaign -- have no idea if they still do -- and I picked against the common-sense favored team every week. Finally convinced Rossow to run our mugs with the picks, just to pish off the local dickheads at the bars who would discuss those picks (and, yes, I was called a dickhead at a bar because of my picks) and let them know who I was. Nothing more fun than saying a big fork you to people who take their prep sports way too seriously.
fork picking them to win 72-0, pick them to lose 72-0.

People taking prep sports too seriously? Say it isn't so.
 
We run a weekly picks page with all 4 on our staff, another newspaper employee who begged his way in and finishes last each season and a guest picker each week. It's very popular with our readers and I or any of the other writers have yet to catch flak about picking against the home teams. I usually quantify my pics in my blog and haven't heard any negative about that either.

So, I think it's a blanket statement to say that picking winners is a bad move for a small-town paper. (We're a 17K daily). It might be worth a column for Milan, pointing out that this picks are not to be taken very seriously and certainly aren't meant to be a propanganda move for the home team. If the coach still won't talk to him, then make that decision public.
 
Podunk at Other Town Coach Homer won't speak after the game if I pick against his team. I think they're going to lose Eleventy Billion to Shake -- by halftime. But if I pick Podunk, the coach will graciously give me a post-game interview. Therefore, Podunk 63, Other Town 6
 
Tell this jerk you're willing to trade jobs with him for a week. The way it sounds to me, it wouldn't hurt the team any.
 

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