Questions for God

[EStreetJoe]

Do you really look like George Burns?

 

[spaceman]

What's the closest you've come to nuking yourself?

 

[EStreetJoe]

God Said No
by Dan Bern

I met God
On the edge of town
Where the wind meets the stillness
Where the darkness meets the light
Where the ocean meets the sky
Where the desert meets the rain
Where the earth meets the heavens
On the edge of town
I met God

I asked God
Do one thing for me
Send me back in time
Send me to Seattle
Let me go
Find Kurt Cobain
Take away his gun
Take away his bullets
Talk to him
Make him wanna live
Tell him how we love him
Help him see his glory
God Said No
If I sent you back
If you really found him
You would only ask him
If he could
Help you get a deal
If he knows a lawyer
If he can help you
God Said No

I asked God
Do one thing for me
Send me back in time
Send me to Berlin
Let me find
The one they call Hitler
I will stalk him
I will bring him down
I will bring along
A powerful gun
Loaded with bullets
Obliterate his memory
God Said No
If I sent you back
You would get caught up
In theory and discussion
You would let your fears
Delay and distract you
You would make friends
You would take a lover
God Said No

I asked God
Do one thing for me
Send me back in time
Send me to Jerusalem
Let me go
Let me go find Jesus
Let me save his life
As they try to kill him
Let me take him down
Down from the cross
Take the iron from his body
Try to heal his wounds
God Said No
If I let you go
If you really found him
Walking with the cross
You would stare
Your tongue no longer working
Eyes no longer seeing
Ears no longer hearing
God said Time
Time belongs to me
Time's my secret weapon
My final advantage
God turned away
From the edge of town
I knew I was beaten
And that now was all I had
God Said No

 

[alleyallen]

Do you really look like George Burns?

Outstanding! I recently watched Oh God Book II.

 

[Dirk Legume]

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

 

[Overrated]

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

About 4,500.

And, no I'm not god. I just play him in bed.

 

[KYSportsWriter]

- Anywhere I can buy MD Baja Blast without stepping into a Taco Bell?

No.

 

[John]

Should I get this thing lanced?

 

[Evil ... Thy name is Orville Redenbacher!!]

I have no desire to ask God a question.
I have always pictured myself in front of him at the end:
God: Any questions?
Me: No ... but, thanks. I had a heck of a ride and I'd love to do it again sometime.


However,
I would love nothing more than to watch clips in heaven.
Who are the 11 funniest men in the history of the world?
Can I see the top 100 most unintentionally funniest moments in history?
Stuff like that. ...
AND I gotta see a what Helen of Troy and Cleopatra looked like.

 

[MartinEnigmatica]

Is there a Santa Claus?

Maryann or Ginger?

 

[TrooperBari]

How long before the Cubs win a World Series?

How is Bill Hicks these days?

How baked were you when you created the duck-billed platypus?

 

[Buck]

One lump or two?